


A Doves Wings

by SuzuyaSenpai



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Ghoul Suzuya, M/M, Smut, Violence, human to ghoul, non Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:22:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzuyaSenpai/pseuds/SuzuyaSenpai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suzuya encounters Big madam once again, but after a life changing operation he finds himself seeking the hospitality of Anteiku and Ken Kaneki, finding they have more in common than he ever thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Big Madam!

"Juuzou!" The voice faded as the dove lost consciousness, everything going black as he felt himself being moved. He couldn't remember what happened, it had been a routine operation; the CCG had caught word of a group of ghouls hiding out in an abandoned tube station. A few investigators had gone to look around and rid the place of the ghouls if necessary, but something happened...he had been with his partner, Shinohara, when a ghoul had came out of nowhere. The last thing Suzuya remembered was a high pitched laugh and a blow to his head.

* * *

He slowly began to open his eyes, his hands twitched and his nails scratch lightly feeling the cold and hard floor beneath him. There was a familiar smell in the air, one he recognised, but he couldn't tell where from. His vision soon came in to focus and he realised he was looking up and a brick ceiling, which was cracked and covered in vines. Suzuya groaned, moving his hand to his forehead, it felt left his head had been hit against the wall repeatedly.

"Rei-Chan!" He heard a voice coo. Suzuyas heart started to race, he knew that voice, he knew it from a long time ago, but it couldn't be. "What have they done to you, my precious pet." There was no doubt, Suzuya could recognise that voice anywhere.

"Mama?" He asked weakly, trying to sit himself up, his arms shaking beneath the the weight. When he was steady, he noticed that he was in a cell, a brick cell with metal bars in front of him, with a barred door in the centre. On the other side of the bars was Big Madam, looking at him in awe.

"You still recognise your Mama, how sweet, Juuzou. I never thought I'd find you again." The ghoul grinned from ear to ear. "I barely escaped that day in the restaurant and it broke my heart when I found out the CCG had taken my favourite pet." She took out a key and opened up the cell door, locking it after she had stepped inside. "My poor, Juuzou. Look at you." She placed a finger under Suzuyas chin, lifting his face to look at her. "Thank god I stopped you from growing ugly." She appraised herself. "We'll get you cleaned up and then you'll be just as beautiful as you used to be." She dumped a pile of clothes to the side of Suzuya. "And let's get rid of these." She pulled out the red clips in Juuzous hair, throwing them on the floor. "And I don't know what we're going to do about these stitches. You're ruining your looks." She told him disapprovingly, pulling at the thread on his lip.

"W-Where's Shinohara-San?" Suzuya asked drowsily, his eyes half open. He received a cackle from the ghoul.

"That man took you from me and I took you back. They forced my baby to be one of them." She said in a pitiful tone. "Your friends weren't harmed, but if they come for you again, I will kill them." The ghoul bent down to wrap a chain around Suzuyas wrist, tightening it so it was secure. She tugged the chain, causing him to fall when his arm was moved from beneath him. "Let's go make you pretty again, Rei." She beamed excitedly, opening the cage and pulling her pet behind her.

* * *

  
"I hope you perform just like you used to. You were always such a crowd pleaser, I was devastated when I lost you." The ghoul had attached the chain to a hook on the wall and told Suzuya to stand. He of course did as he was told, his past memories keeping him from fighting back. Big Madam undressed him, checking his physical state. "You've grown, Juuzou-Chan." She pointed out, finding it a shame she couldn't keep him small and cute. The room they were in was completely tiled, yet as gloomy as the rest of the place. Suzuya remembered this room, it was where he received rewards for his good boy points. There was a bucket on the floor filled with steaming water and cloths. "Now, Juuzou, I want you clean and dressed for when I get back." She smiled and left the room, leaving Suzuya with the bucket and a pile of new clothes.

Sighing, he sat down, placing his feet into the bucket. "I never thought I'd see mama again." He mumbled. The hot water comforted him slightly, as he grabbed a cloth and washed himself. Suzuya was in that room for just over half an hour, before he was fully clean and dressed in a shirt and pair of shorts. His bangs fell in front of his face after his attempt at brushing his hair to the side.

"Juuzou-Chan!" He heard his mama call, as she entered the room once again. "I've told everyone about you and they can't wait to see how much you've grown! They've missed watching you, so I've organised a welcoming back celebration for you!" Suzuya knew that it wasn't going to be as fun at the ghoul made it sound. "We're inviting all the usual guests and then you'll be the star of the show, my number one scrapper. Let's go now, we need to prepare you for your return." She clapped her hands together, before unhooking the chain off the wall, tugging it to make Suzuya follow her.

* * *

  
After catching Suzuya up on the other scrapers she had been through, telling none were ever as good as he was, she took him to go and chose his weapon for the evening. "Now, I know daggers were always your favourite but now that you're older I'll let you chose whatever you like." She opened up a large cabinet, revealing the range of weapons used by all the scrapers, some of them old and rusty, other new and sharp.

"I don't want to. I'm not a scrapper anymore, I'm a ghoul investigator. I hunt down and kill ghouls like you." Suzuya said in an impossibly sweet tone, before Big Madam pulled his chain and grabbed him by his neck.

"You are my scrapper and if you refuse to do this, I will kill every CCG investigator until there is no one left. Now be good and chose your weapon or I will do it for you." The ghoul spoke through gritted teeth, unhappy with how the CCG had changed her pet. "You used to love pleasing your mama, what happened to my sweet Rei?" She pouted.

"I'm sorry, Mama." Suzuya looked at the weapons. "I'll take my daggers." He soon decided, feeling the old need to keep on Big Madams good side.

"Good boy. I'll tell them to prepare our guest. This dismantling show is going to be brilliant." She grinned darkly.

* * *

  
Suzuya stood behind a door, one that would lead into the restaurants arena. It had been so long since he was last here, but he remembered how everything went and how soon he would enter the arena to a roar of cheers, being encouraged to kill the human guest that had been tricked in to coming here. He remembered how sick he used to be after a show, his first kill was the worst as it made him sick for many days, back then he was sure he would never be used to killing. The dove heard the crowd in the other room cheering and Suzuya could only assume that the guest was now aware something bad was happening. As the door in front of him opened, he held his blades, one in each hand, and stepped into the light of the arena.

"Rei-Chan!" He heard Big Madam call, others commenting on how he had changed so much and wondering if he could still put on a show like he used to. His eyes quickly landed on the guest, a business man by the looks of him, a little round in the middle...not too much of a challenge for a scrapper. Suzuya ran towards the man, watching him cower, it was never any fun when they didn't run away. He stopped in front of the man and spoke apologetically. "I do not want to do this to you, but either way one of us has to die." Suzuya explained, knowing he couldn't disappoint his owner, otherwise should would have no use for him. He held his blades out. "I promise I will get revenge for what they're maki me do to you. The CCG will find me again." The man started to crawl away, too terrified to get up and run. Suzuya followed the man, walking casually behind him.

"Get him, Rei!" He heard his mama call, encouraging him like she used to. He leapt up and landed on the mans back, digging his daggers into the humans shoulders. "I better get loads of good boy points for this." He mumbled, dragging the daggers down the mans back, hearing him scream beneath him. Suzuya pulled the blades out before rapidly stabbing them back in, blood spurting out and staining his clothes. "Die, die, die!" He almost growled, feeling the man shaking, as hips slowly started to give up. Suzuya moved his blades around to the front of the mans neck, the guest barely able to hold his head up. "Your death won't be in vain." He told the man, before pulling the blades across his throat, effectively killing him. The arena went silent for a moment, before cheers erupted, all of the ghouls praising him for what he had done. Suzuya stood up, the pride he used to feel never came, instead he felt like he should be killing all of them. He looked up at them, frowning at how excited they all were.

"Isn't my Rei-Chan something? It took me so long to find him again." He heard Big Madame say through all the cheering.

"It's not Rei!" He shouted up at her, throwing his daggers in to the audience, the ghouls gasping at his sudden outburst. He knew the blades wouldn't hurt them, but it was all he had on him. The horrified gasps turned in to laughs when the audience realised he was no real threat, they started to mock him letting their eyes turn red. He saw the disappointment and anger on his mamas face and he knew he would be punished for this. "I'm not your Rei and I'm going to kill every single one of you with my bare hands! I tear you apart like you make me do to your guests. I -" he was cut off when a series of crystallised shards from someones ukaku kagune rains down on him. He heard Big Madam call out in horror at her Juuzou being injured, as she instantly took down the ghoul that attacked him.

Suzuya was knocked back by the force of the kagune, sending him to the floor. "I should've thought that through more." He mumbled to himself, trying to pick himself up off the floor, as he moved he felt something strange in his chest. Three of the crystals had hit his chest and blood was pouring from the wounds at an alarming rate. "Mama?" He called, hearing her cries for someone to help him. He soon blacked out, hearing footsteps approaching him.

* * *

  
"That ghoul deserved to die for hurting my precious pet. We don't come by executioners of his skill every day." Suzuya heard his mamas voice, making his stir on the ground he had been placed on. Opening his eyes slowly, he saw Big Madam and another man looking down at him, both with vague concern on their faces. It appears that he had been taken back to his cage. "Juuzou, you're awake!" His mama cried, stroking his hair affectionately. "I know it's hard for you adjusting back to life here...so I decided to excuse your little outburst."

"Juuzou, your lungs were severely damaged by the crystals and I'm afraid we had to operate quickly using what we had." The other ghoul tried to explain, before being interrupted by Big Madam.

"That worthless ghoul didn't deserve to breath with those lungs anymore, my Rei will put them to greater use." The words went around in Suzuyas head, trying to process what this meant. He had a ghouls set of lungs inside him, there was a ghoul in him.

"We've never done this kind of operation before, so we're going to have to keep an eye on you and make sure your body doesn't reject the ghouls organs and blood transfusion." The male ghoul informed him, before walking away.

 


	2. Temptation

Suzuya had spent a week in his cell, barely able to move. Big Madam had been bringing him meals, trying to keep him healthy, but every time he tried to eat it just came straight back out. After a week of not being able to eat properly Big Madam was starting to worry for her pet. She wasn't sure how long it would take for humans to heal after such an operation, since her regeneration ability was incredibly high. Feeling concerned, she had confided in the doctor who had performed Suzuyas operation and he had suggested that it was possible Juuzou wouldn't pull through and should be put down.

"Not my Rei. I've spent too long trying to find him!" Big madam complained, outraged at the thought of losing him again. "He's my best scrapper."

"I understand that, but humans are weak. They die easily and unfortunately your pet is simply just not strong enough. If he's not eating or holding down the food, he'll die. You best put him out of his misery before he suffers." The ghoul replied, clearing having not empathy for the human pet. He placed a hand on Big Madams shoulder when he saw how torn she was. "I'm sure if he had never been taken from you, he would be strong enough to survive. Only the humans that took him can be blamed for this." Big madam nodded in agreement, deciding the doctor was right, she let out a sigh.

"It's going to take so long to train someone else to be like him." She complained.

* * *

  
Suzuya groaned as his stomach grumbled, the hunger making him feel sick, it was like there was a black hole inside him. "I'm so hungry." He muttered, barely having the energy to speak. His clothes were stained with blood and vomit, having been left in them since the day of his surgery. The smell around him made his stomach churn and he was certain he wouldn't make it through the next week. Throughout the days, he imagined Shinohara and the rest of the CCG raiding the place and finding him, but as the days went by he slowly lost hope.

The dove inhaled deeply, suddenly smelling something incredibly sweet. All the food he had been given made him sick, even the smell of it put him off, but this smell was something delicious. As the smell filled his new lungs, he slowly managed to sit up, the thought of a meal willing him to move. "Hmm, I wonder what smells so good." He struggled to keep his eyes open, feeling drowsy. "Mama?" He called for the ghoul, his voice weak and barely above a whisper, so unsurprisingly no one came to him. His brow furrowed and he forced himself to stand, his legs trembling and his knees almost buckled from lack of strength. He braced himself against the wall and slowly started to shuffle his feet, making his way to the bars on his cell. Clinging to the rusted metal bars, he let out a cry of frustration, unable to get the door to open. He reached his arm inbetween the bars, grasping at the air to see if he could squeeze his way through. "Mama!" He called again, this time his voice was louder, the hunger drawing strength from somewhere deep inside him. His pulse quickened as he felt more determined to find the food, knowing it was a matter of life and death. Big Madam came rushing down the corridor having heard Suzuyas call, overjoyed that he was speaking once again.

"Juuzou-Chan!" She called back, coming to stand outside his cell door. She looked surprise and yet amazed to see he was standing. "My sweet, Juuzou, mamas here-" She tried to comfort him, but stopped her sentence abruptly when she saw a pair of dark red eyes staring back at her. She knew Suzuya had naturally beautiful red eyes, but they were different now, they were a set of dark black and red ghoul eyes. "J-Juuzou-Chan?" She stammered, seeing the hungry expression on his face, the familiar need to feed. Big Madam was soon overwhelmed with excitement, taking her key out to unlock Suzuyas door. "My precious, Rei, look at what's happened to you!" She opened the door, watching Juuzous shoulders slump as his chest rapidly raised and fell with his breath.

"Mama, I can smell something delicious." The dove practically drooled, his eyes shimmering brightly, stepping out of his cell. "Take me to it." He demanded in a sweet tone.

"Juuzou, I need to take you to the doc-" Big Madame started to say excitedly, before being cut off by Suzuya pushing past her. "Juuzou-Chan, come back!" She cried desperately, stumbling as she fell to the floor, watching Suzuya run.

Juuzou ran towards the smell, almost tripping as his legs fell over themselves, until he came to two large wooden doors. He pressed himself up against the wood, inhaling deeply with a grin. "This is it." He said with joy, as his nails scratched at the door. "What I've been longing for is just in here." He pushed open the door with force to reveal a kitchen. As he looked around the room, he noticed various joints of meat hanging from hooks, but what was creating the smell came from the ovens. He rushed into the room, not concerned with anyone who might be there, and went straight to the large set of ovens, seeing something boiling in a pan. "This is it? This is what I was craving? What is it?" Suzuya sniffed at the pan, feeling a little disappointed that this is what his stomach wanted, though not recognising the scent enough to place what meat it could be. "Why would they have a kitchen? Ghouls only eat...humans..." It quickly dawned on him that the meat could only belong to a human. He gasped and looked over at the meat joints, notching how some of them where awfully human like. He felt sick at the thought of wanting to eat them, but something his head was telling him to just take a few bites. "These are for the restaurant..." He reached out towards the meat, before pulling his hand back. "No...I'm not like them...I just need food...proper food." He wrapped his arms around his waist as his stomach growled, the hunger pains returning, making him feel weak again. "I can't..." He shook his head and started to move away from the food, backing out of the kitchen. 'I've been hungry for so long, even a human carcass smells good to me.' He thought, putting his appetite down to starvation.

Suzuya continued to hold his stomach, as he wandered around the building. When he was younger he had never gotten the chance to explore the place, having constantly been by Big Madams side. There was a strong scent of blood and decaying bodies in the air, something he had come to associate with ghoul hideouts. "It's been so long. Where's Shinohara-San?" He mumbled quietly. There was no doubt in his mind that his partner was looking for him, but they had found Big Madam before, was it so hard to do it again?

Suzuya came to the end of a hallway where a broken window stood, glass cracked and falling from the frame. He looked outside to see it was night time and wherever they were must have been outside the city since there were no lights in sight. A flash of lighting stuck nearby, quickly causing Suzuyas reflection to appear in the remaining glass. He froze for a moment, sure that he had seen a pair of ghoul eyes in the reflection. "Mama?" He asked softly, as the lighting flashed again, though he only saw himself, himself and his black and red eyes. He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. "I'm seeing things now. What did they do to me?"

"Rei!" He heard Big Madam shout from down the hallways, approaching him fast. She looking displeased, though still somewhat joyful. "If you don't behave, I'll have to put you back in your room." She warned him, stopping some distance away. "You look so beautiful with your ghoul eyes." She cooed, closing her hands together in awe. "That doctor we have sure can perform miracles and here I was almost about to give up on you."

Suzuya frowned in confusion and turned to face the ghoul. "What are you talking about? You were going to give up on me? What did I do wrong, Mama?"

"Of course! There's no use in keeping you, if you can't perform for me...though I see that we'll have to keep you around...now that you're one of us." She grinned darkly. "A human and a ghoul combined, how interesting."

Suzuya shook his head, taking a small step back towards the window. "I would never be one of you. If I had my quinque, you'd all be dead." He smiled, his eyes fading back to their normal state.

"Juuzou-Chan, you're hungry. Come have something to eat and I'm sure you'll feel differently. Mama wants her boy to be healthy." She tried to convince him, speaking softly. Something about the ghoul made Suzuya feel she cared, she had been the only mother figure in his life and he felt if she didn't love him, so would have gotten rid of him sooner. However, he found it hard to trust her, she was a ghoul after all.

"I'm going to go find Shinohara-San." Suzuya turned back to the window. "The CCG would love to know about this place."

Big Madam frowned. "I'm not going to give you another chance. You do what you're told or mama will get angry and you know what happens when mama's angry." She warned, feeling her temper rise. "There's no way I'm letting you outside, Juuzou." She huffed. "Besides, what do you thinks going to happen when you get out there? Your friend isn't even looking for you, you're the enemy now. Once the CCG see what you are, they won't hesitate to kill you." She snapped, watching Suzuyas face fall. "Oh, Juuzou-Chan, I didn't mean to sound harsh. I just don't want you to be hurt. They never accepted you and they never will, but here...we're a family." She stepped closer and pulled Suzuya into her arms, squeezing him tightly. "Now stop being a fool and come back with me."

"I don't need your permission." Suzuya pulled away, turning to push Big Madam away from him. "Shinohara-San cares about me. He'll be here...I know he will." Suzuya frowned, making the ghoul aware she was getting to him.

"I don't think even you believe that anymore. They must've been so glad they got rid of you. When I took you back, they didn't even try to fight for you. They let me take you." She taunted. "You're lucky I took you back when I did. Who wants a boy that doesn't belong with ghouls or humans?"

"I don't need people to like me, I just want to do my job." Suzuya replied, clearly less confident than he was before, but still determined to leave. "I don't want to be here anymore." He shook his head and flashed a grin to his mama, before forcing all his weight on to the window behind him, the remaining glass easily giving way under his weight. He heard Big Madam scream and call after him as he fell backwards. He almost felt giddy at how swiftly he had escaped, seeing Bid Madame peering over the edge of the window. The dove felt that his partner would have been proud that he had managed to deal with this himself.

A few moments after he had jumped, he felt his body slam onto the ground, the grass beneath him was cold and wet. Rain fell down onto his broken body, as he lay limply in the mud, his breathing slow. He looked up at the sky, a glazed look falling over his eyes as hair stuck to his face, he could feel the glass shards stuck in his arms and back. After a few minutes, Suzuya tried to move, determined to carry on going. To his surprise, his body was no longer as damaged as it had been when he fell. When he had managed to pull himself to his feet, he pulled the glass from his body and started to walk, dragging his bare feet through the mud. "I wonder where I am." He wiped the rain from his face, accidentally smearing mud over his cheek.

* * *

 

Hours later Suzuya had managed to find his way back to the city, people looking at him with concern but no one stopped to see if he was alright. He was used to being stared at, but for some reason it felt like they were looking for a different reason. As he walked past people, he couldn't help but notice how good some of them smelt, he couldn't stop his mind from wondering what they would taste like. 'What? Rei, what's wrong. Why do they all look so nice?' He thought to himself.   
He looked down at his clothes, seeing his shirt had been torn and his shorts were covered in dirt. "I miss my old clothes." He said sadly, though his attention was taken off his clothes when he saw a lit up sign in front of him. "Anteiku." He read, as he came to stand at the window of the cafe. He put his hand on the cold glass, feeling his stomach rumble. "Food." He smiled brightly, as if nothing was wrong in the world, before heading to the cafes entrance.

The cafe was warm and something about it made him feel welcome. He was greeted by the waiters, all of them smiling cheerfully. "Welcome!" One of them called to him from the front counter, brewing a fresh pot of coffee. Suzuya walked over to the counter, settling on one of the seats.

"Can I get you anything?" The waiter asked, noticing how distant Suzuya seemed. He looked up at the waiter, noticing the man was wearing a strange eyepatch over one of his eyes. The man also looked around Suzuyas age, if not exactly the same.

"Coffee, please and food...any food." Suzuya replied, feeling weak once again. The waiter placed a cup down in front of him, before soon playing a plate of sandwiches next to it.

"You look like you've been through a storm." The waiter commented, taking in the sight of Suzuyas torn and muddy clothing. "It's pretty cold out there, huh?" He added, watching how the dove quickly drank his coffee, not even wincing at the heat of the beverage.

"This coffee's good." Suzuya hummed contently, picking up a sandwich and all but shoving the entire thing in his mouth. His expression quickly change from one of pure satisfaction to one of utter disgust, spitting out the sandwich back on to the plate. The waiters eyes widened in surprise, though he didn't seem to be too offended by Suzuyas actions.

"Would you like something else?" The waiter asked, raising one eyebrow. Suzuya shook his head, closing his hand over his mouth as he gagged. He moved from his seat, rushing out of the store to throw up.

"Why can't I eat?" He groaned, holding his stomach, as he bent over. The door to the cafe opened behind him and he heard footsteps stop next to him.

"Are you alright?" The waiter asked sympathetically, though Suzuya was sure this guy had no idea what he was going through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> I got a few lovely comments on my last chapter and I can't thank you all enough, it made my day!
> 
> My next update will be no later than Thursday and I'm really looking forward to writing the next one~


	3. Ukaku

Suzuya sighed, resting is chin on one hand, whilst the other stirred the cup of coffee he had been give. The waiter had taken him back inside and showed him to a table next to the window, before giving him another cup of coffee. Suzuya had tried to insist he had somewhere to be, but the waiter was adamant that he should wait there until he felt better. It had been almost half an hour and he still felt hungry, but every time the waiter brought over food, it just made him feel sick again. "Maybe that doctor messed me up inside." He mumbled, taking his eyes off his coffee to look outside. It was still raining heavily, the lights outside reflected off of the raindrops and the puddles. "Maybe I should've let mama get rid of me. I won't live if I can't eat." He slowly lifted the cup to his lips, his hands shaking slightly, before taking a sip.

"He still can't eat." Kaneki, the dark haired waiter, pointed out. He recognised this from what he went through, though could it be possible that the teen had gone through something similar? "Everything I give him, he just gags and pushes it away." He picked up a cup to polish, keeping his eye on the white haired man.

"Maybe your food just tastes bad." Another waiter replied, coming to stand next to Kaneki. The waiter was tall and slender, with glasses and messy hazelnut hair. "Don't feel too bad though, no one else seems to reject you food quite like he does." The man snickered.

"Nishio." Kaneki scolded. "What if he needs our help. Anteiku helped both of us when we needed it." He reminded the man. "I think he...doesn't know what he is and if he can't hold down food he'll get sick." Kaneki placed the newly polished cup down and started on another.

"Why don't you just give him some of our food and see what happens?" Nishio shrugged, thinking it was an obvious way to deal with the problem, but Kaneki shook his head.

"What if he's human? Could we really just let him eat his own kind? It's disgusting." Kaneki watched as Nishio brewed a cup of coffee, before dropping two of their special sugar cubes in to it.

"Here, hand him this." Nishio passed him the coffee. "It's not exactly meat, so give your conscious a rest." Kaneki held the cup, still debating whether he could do this.

"No...I'm going to go ask the manager what he thinks we should do." He decided, placing the cup down. I don't want to risk anything." Kaneki took one last look at the man with white hair, before walking through the door that read 'staff only'.

Nishio waited for Kaneki to leave, before picking the coffee up again. "If it helps him, then that's good, if not...he never needs to know what he drank." Nishio told himself, walking out from behind the counter to take the coffee over to Suzuya. He placed the cup down gently on the table. "Your coffee must be cold, so here's another one on the house." He said with a smile.

Suzuya looked at the cup he was holding in his hands. His coffee had gone cold, but he wasn't sure how much more of the stuff he could drink. Handing the waiter his cold cup, he took the warm one and smiled in thanks. "Do you know when I can leave? I feel alright to walk now." Suzuya lied, receiving a shrug off the man.

"I'd say, drink that up and then you're free to go." He replied with a small laugh, before walking back to the counter, so that he could watch from a distance.

Suzuya raised the cup to his lips, smelling the coffee as he took a sip. 'This is really good.' He thought to himself, something about this coffee was different to the ones he had before. The coffee was sweet and somehow made his hunger subside.

Kaneki came back into the cafe with Yoshimura, the manager. The two of them went to stand with Nishio, all of them trying not to look at the young man they were all concerned about. "Look, he already seems a lot better." Nishio pointed out, smiling smugly that he was right. "That cup of coffee did the trick."

"What?!" Kaneki explained in horror, but attempted to keep his voice down. "You gave the coffee to him? You were meant to wait!" Kaneki sighed and looked over at Suzuya, unable to help himself from feeling empathetic for him.

"If the boy is feeling better, let him go home. We can't keep him here based on suspicions." Yoshimura told Kaneki. The waiter opened his mouth to protest, but instead gave a nod, knowing the manager knew what he was doing.

"Okay, I'll help him home." Kaneki moved to walk over to the customer, giving him a gently smile. "You look like you're feeling better." He said brightly, still concerned, but glad that the teen at least looked more perky.

"I am!" Suzuya replied. "This coffee was amazing!" He placed his cup down. "I think I'll go home now though. It's getting late." He placed his hands on the table and pushed himself up to stand.

"Oh, can I walk you back? You were pretty sick a little while ago..." Kaneki asked, receiving a nod from Suzuya. "I'm Kaneki, by the way. Kaneki Ken" He added, offering his hand out to the white haired teen.

Suzuya took the hand and shook it. "Suzuya Juuzou." He introduced himself, before releasing Kanekis hand. As the two of them made their way out of the cafe, Yoshimura looked to Nishio.

"Go follow them. You know what to do." He told the waiter. Nishio nodded and soon followed after Kaneki and Suzuya.

* * *

  
"It's pretty cold out here." Kaneki pointed out as they walked, trying to break the silence. He crossed his arms over his chest, attempting to keep some warmth, before looking at the teen next to him. "You're not cold?" He asked, looking at Suzuyas shorts.

"There are a lot worse things than cold." He replied casually. After the week he'd had, the cold felt somewhat nice.

"How far do you live?" Kaneki asked, hoping to get out of the cold soon.

"Not far. I can walk by myself if you want to go." He offered, though Kaneki shook his head. The two of them settling in to a less awkward silence, as the rain started to slowly stop. As the two of them turned a corner, they heard quick footsteps running up behind them. Before either could react, Suzuya was sent flying forwards after being hit by Nishios bikaku. Kaneki tuned around, ready to fight, though he relaxed when he saw it was just Nishio.

"What the hell are you doing?!" He shouted at his friend, not understanding why the tall ghoul had attacked them. He looked over at Suzuya to see him limp on the ground.

"You'll see." Nishio grinned, his eyes dark and full of determination. "He won't be able to hold it it, just like you couldn't, Kaneki. It just took someone to beat it out of you." Kaneki frowned in confusion, not completely understanding.

Suzuya soon managed to pull himself up off the floor and struggled to stand on his feet. "What just happened?" He mumbled, turning to see the waiter with glasses that had been so nice to him before. "You're a ghoul? That's a shame, I guess I'll have to kill you now." He shrugged, patting down his body when he realised he didn't have any weapons on him. "Damn it, it's going to be hard killing you without Jason."

Nishio pushed Kaneki out of the way, ignoring the other ghouls protests, and approached Suzuya. "You don't need weapons to fight me." He snapped his kagune at Suzuya, though the teen swiftly dodged it. "Just let yourself get mad so we can see if you're a ghoul." He said impatiently, wishing the dove would stop dashing around.

Suzuya froze for a moment. 'Why does everyone keep thinking I'm a ghoul? Big Madam was lying...wasn't she?'. Whilst Suzuya was distracted Nishio took the chance to plunge his kagune through the teens stomach, watching the blood spill from the wound at the teens pale mouth. Suzuya cried out in surprise as he was impaled, knowing that he had let himself be killed, there was no way he could survive this. Nishio looked unimpressed and shook Suzuya from his kagune, before he kicked him away from. Suzuya rolled on the ground, before he hit the side of a building, his blood splattering up the side of the wall.

"Humph, I guess you're not a ghoul. Oh well." He waved his hand to dismiss the idea, turning on his heels to head back to Anteiku. Kaneki looked between the two men, not wanting to reveal himself as a ghoul in front of Suzuya.

"Nishio senpai! You can't just leave him!" Kaneki called angrily. "Nishio!"

Suzuya groaned, waiting for himself to die, but it never happened. 'What's wrong with me?' He slowly sat himself up, placing a hand on his forehead. "I should be dead." He mumbled, looking down at his blood drenched clothes. He clenched his eyes shut, feeling the anger building up inside him. "I'm so tired of ghouls." He almost snarled, pulling himself to stand, blood from his wound dripping to the floor.

Kaneki watched in amazement as the dove stood up, catching a glimpse of his darkened eyes shimmering in the moon light. "He's...Nishio...he's a..." Kaneki stop speaking when Suzuya suddenly screamed out, his kagune releasing itself from between his shoulders. "His kagune...it's an ukaku..." Kaneki breathed out, watching as the kagune crystallised. He gasped and ran after Nishio, knocking him to the floor just in time to avoid Suzuyas torrent of spikes.

Nishio turned his head to look back at the new ghoul, seeing the bright red colour of his kagune, now uncrystallised and flickering like flames on his back. Suzuyas eyes pierced into Nishios, still visibly unable to control himself.

"What did you do to me?" Suzuya voice trembled, as he fell to the floor on his knees, his ukaku slowly retracting back. "I'm not a monster like you." He braced his hands in front of himself, catching his reelection in a pool of blood. He hung his head, unable to look at himself for much longer. Kaneki soon stood back on his feet and cautiously approached Suzuya.

"Who did this to you?" He asked softly, not wanting to anger him again. "The same thing happened to me...I'm like you." Suzuya snapped his head up to look at Kaneki.

"You're nothing like me." Suzuya stood. "I'm a ghoul investigator. My job is to hunt and kill you." He said bluntly, causing Nishio to laugh.

"How ironic is that. A dove turned to a ghoul. If I were you, I'd change my loyalties." Nishio brushed himself off, as he stood next to Kaneki. "I doubt the CCG will be welcoming you there again."

Suzuyas expression changed to one of anger to one of worry. "Shinohara...I need to find him." The ghoul put his arm over his wound as he quickly ran away from the two waiters. He knew that the only person who would help him was his partner, there was no way Shinohara would hurt him.

"Wait!" Kaneki called. "Juuzou!"

"Just leave him." Nishio shrugged nonchalantly. "When he accepts who he is, he'll come back." Kaneki flashed a glare at the taller man.

"He's going to the CCG, they kill him when he turns up looking like that." Kaneki pointed out, already starting to head in the direction Suzuya left in.

"Damn...fine. We'll go rescue your princess." Nishio crossed his arms and followed on.

The two waiters followed Suzuya at a distance, the trail of blood making it easy to track him. The dove soon led them to a house, where they both hid down an alleyway, poking their heads around the corner to keep an eye on the ghoul. The house was small, similar to a lot of other homes in the city, with a single window lit up. Suzuya wandered up to the door, knocking on with his bloody knuckles, leaving red marks on the door. Kaneki noticed the hopeful expression on the doves face and it killed him that Suzuya would no doubt be turned away or worse. The door opened and a tall man stood there, looking at Suzuya with wide eyes.

"Juuzou?" The man asked, ushering his child and wife away from behind him, not believing his missing partner was turning up on his doorstep at night. The boy in front of him was muddy and covered in blood, this wasn't the Juuzou he had lost, something about him was different.

"Shinohara-San! I thought you guys were having trouble finding me, so I found you!" Suzuya beamed happily at his elder. Shinohara shook his head in disbelief, taking a small step back and half closing the door.

"Juuzou, what...happened to you?" The man asked, looking at his subordinate in horror as he looked into the ghouls eyes, also noticing the wound in Suzuyas stomach and the blood dripping from his mouth. "Tell me this is a joke...you...how? You've been a ghoul all along?"

Suzuya swallowed nervously and shook his head. "Somethings wrong with me...Shinohara, help me...they did something to me." He pleaded softly, reaching his hand out to the man, only to have the door slammed in front of him. "Shinohara-San?"

Nishio put his head in his hands. "That was painful to watch. Rejection at its finest."

Kaneki watched as Suzuya hung his head, placing his hand on the door. "Weren't you looking for me, Shinohara?" Suzuya rested his head on the door. "I waited for you to save me and you didn't find me in time." He mumbled brokenly, his nailes drug into the wooden door as he scratched downwards. "You let them take me. Mama was right, you didn't want me."

"We should go and get him before that guy calls for backup." Kaneki decided, finding the whole thing too hard to watch, knows he wouldn't be able to cope if Hide rejected him like that.

"You know he's your responsibility from now on, right?" Nishio muttered under his breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. The feedback of gotten on this so far is amazing. You guys are great! 
> 
> I have the day off tomorrow, so I'll update both this and my other Suzuya/Kaneki fic~


	4. Meat

Kaneki opened the door to his apartment, gesture for Suzuya to go inside. He hadn't wanted Juuzou to be alone after the hard day he'd had, so he offered for the young dove to stay at his, which took some convincing until the offer was accepted. Suzuya stepped into the room, looking around at Kanekis home. It had the basics, a bed, sofa, kitchen and bathroom, with a few personal possessions that made it more homely. It was clear a young person lived here, there were books everywhere and it had a strange student feel to it. Suzuya heard the door close behind him, as Kaneki locked it for the night.

"Make yourself at home. You can use my bed and I'll take the sofa." He told the dove with a small smile. "You can use any of my stuff too, clothes included." He added, looking at the torn and bloodied clothes that the white haired teen was still wearing.

"Do you mind if I shower?" Suzuya mumbled, as his hand went to play with the red thread on his arm.

"Sure, I'll show you where it is." He took his shoes off and started to walk to the bathroom, Suzuya following behind him. The bathroom was kind of small, with a white tiled wall and wooden floor. There was a sink and a toilet on one side and a bath with a shower that went from one wall to the other. Kaneki showed Suzuya where the towel were and all his bathroom products, before leaving to let him show, closing the door as he left.

Suzuya waited a moment, before pulling off his clothes, placing them in a pile of the floor. He felt gross having had them on for so long, he could only imagine how repulsive he must have smelt. Looking down at his stomach, he noticed the hole was no longer there, it had completely healed now, only leaving a few smears of blood behind. He soon stepped into the bathtub, before turning on the shower, standing back from the water as he waited for it to heat up.

Kaneki changed out of his work clothes into something more comfortable, also picking out something for Suzuya to wear. Once he was changed, he headed to his kitchen, figuring they could both do with something to eat, even if Suzuya wasn't used to the idea of eating humans. He took some meat out of his fridge, that Yoshimura had kindly supplied him with since he still didn't have the confidence to hunt. He did the best he could to make the meat look more like a meal than something fresh of the bone, but there was only so much he could do.

The dove stepped into the water, as the room started to steam up. It felt almost unexplainable how good the hot water felt on his skin, washing away all the dirt and blood, he took a deep breath as he relaxed. It had been so long since he had felt clean. As he stood in the spray of the water his mind thought back to Shinohara and how, just under an hour ago, his partner had rejected him, had refused to help him. The man who saved him and cared for him suddenly no longer wanted see him and it killed Suzuya inside. The more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Sitting down in the bathtub, he held his legs against his chest, willing himself to not cry. "Why does Shinohara-San not want me anymore? The way he looked at me...he's never done that before." Suzuya whispered to himself, trying to make sense of what was happening. "Why won't he help me." His voice broke as he spoke, his breath shaky. "I don't want to be like this." Clenching his eyes shut, he put his head in his hands. "Even Mama didn't want me anymore. What am I?"

Kaneki boiled some hot water, having decided to give Suzuya one of the special coffees again. If the dove wouldn't eat meat, at least he could get something from the sugar cubes. Kaneki heard the water of the shower stop running, just as he finished making the coffees. A few moments later, Suzuya opened the bathroom door and poked his head out. "Uh...Kaneki?" He asked, getting the waiters attention. "Could I borrow some clothes? Mine are at home..."

Kaneki gave a nod and went to grab the clothes he had picked up, before taking them over to Suzuya. "Here. I don't know what sort of stuff you wear, so I just grabbed some of my sweat pants and a t-shirt." He said, as the dove took the clothes, quickly saying thank you before he disappeared back into the bathroom. Less than a minutes Suzuya came back out, dressed in the clothes Kaneki had given him.

"How do I look?" Suzuya asked, Kaneki noticing the sadness in his voice. The guy had been having a rough time and as and as much as Kaneki felt he could relate, he knew Suzuyas situation was different. He looked the dove up an down, appreciating how well his clothes fitted the other male.

"Y-You look good." Kaneki said with a breath, cursing himself for stuttering. He noticed the slight look of surprise and confusion on Suzuyas face, realising that the dove mustn't be used to compliments. "You look great, Juuzou." He replied with more confidence, as Suzuyas cheeks reddened faintly. "I made you some coffee, if you'd like. I also have some food, but...I understand if you're not ready for that yet." Kaneki walked into his kitchen area, Suzuya following behind him.

"Food? You mean...ghoul food?" Suzuya asked, placing his hand on his rumbling stomach. "I don't think I can do that." He looked at the food Kaneki had prepared, feeling bad that the ghoul had clearly gone to an effort to make the food look appealing and less human.

Kaneki placed the two plates of food on the counter top, pulling out a bar stool for Suzuya to sit down on. "Just...try it? I know it's hard and it makes you question your morals, but you need to eat, Juuzou. You'll feel better." He placed the two cups of coffee next to their food. "Here's some coffee too, it seemed to perk you up earlier." Sat down, patting the seat next to him, before Suzuya joined him. He watched as Suzuya picked up the cup, brining it to his lip, taking a long sip. The dove sighed contently, almost feeling like everything bad hadn't happened.  
"Juuzou? I never told you...the sugar cubes in your coffee...they aren't totally sugar..." Kaneki admitted shyly, watching as Suzuya almost spat the drink out.

"What are they made from? You gave this to me?" The dove asked, looking at the cup in shock, placing it back on to the counter.

"I'm not sure about the finer details, I never asked when I was given them, but whatever it is...it'll help quell your hunger. I didn't give it to you though, Nishio did." He added quickly to clear his name. Suzuya bit his bottom lip, clearly deep in thought, before he pushed his plate and cup away from him.

"I can't eat that." He mumbled, standing up. "I think I'm just going to sleep, if that's okay." Kaneki frowned, remembering how Nishio told him that Suzuya was his responsibility, so he couldn't just let him starve himself. He knew how hard it was to find out your whole life was going to change, so he wouldn't let Suzuya go through it alone.

"Juuzou." He said in a slightly annoyed tone. "Sit down and eat. You should at least try it." He picked up a fork and started to eat his own food.

"I'm not eating that. I'm a human, I don't eat my own kind. It's sick enough watching you eat." Suzuya took his eyes off Kaneki.

Kaneki let out a groan and stood up, grabbing Juuzou by the shoulders to force eye contact. "Stop being to stubborn! If you don't eat you'll die. Just look at you, at your eyes, you aren't human anymore, you're a ghoul!" He snapped at the dove.

Suzuya closed his eyes, dropping his head down. "I'm not like you. I don't care if I die, I didn't become an investigator and kill ghouls just so I could end up like this."

Kaneki shook Juuzous shoulders, getting more frustrated. "Closing your eyes won't hide the fact you can't control them from turning! It doesn't matter who you were or what your job is, this is what you are. Do you think I wanted to be like this? I'm half human and half ghoul, but I know I'll die if I don't eat. You doves think you're better than us, but look at you now." He spat harshly, though he was sure it was the only way Juuzou would listen. Suzuya looked at Kaneki, his eyes reverting back to their normal shade of red as they started to water. "You think we're evil, but think of the innocent families that are killed, peoples mothers and fathers, children...the CCG don't care about destroying the only things we hold close."

Suzuya took a moment to process Kanekis words. 'They're just trying to live too?' He could understand that, but he couldn't excuse them killing humans. "I don't want to be like this. No one will want me." Juuzou said with a small tremble to his voice. "Shinohara-San...he thinks..."

"No." Kaneki cut in. "This Shinohara...it probably came as a shock to him, just give him time...I doubt he'd send the CCG after you." Kaneki tried to comfort Suzuya. "And stop thinking no one wants you. Everyone at Anteiku would love to have you. You're one of us and we won't leave you." He said with a supportive smile. "I'll need to talk to Yoshimura again, but I'm certain he'll let you work at the cafe."

Suzuya wiped his eyes and nodded. "Work at Anteiku? Are you all...ghouls? The CCG has no idea..." Kaneki dropped his arms from Suzuyas shoulders.

"We try to not draw attention to ourselves." Kaneki smiled. "Now, please try the food? Just don't think about it...just think of the need to feed." The dove nodded, though he was still clearly reluctant. The two of them sat back down and Kaneki continued to eat, waiting for Juuzou to do the same.

Suzuya let out a small sigh and picked up his fork, stabbing a piece of meat with it. "There's no going back after this..." He lifted the piece of meat to his lips and took a small bite, wincing as he chewed and swallowed, before covering his mouth with his hand. Kaneki finished his food and looked of at Suzuya, a look of concern on his face.

"Did it taste bad?" He asked slowly, receiving a shake of the head in reply.

Suzuya took his hand off of his mouth. "It's delicious..." He sounded disgusted with himself, angry for not being repulsed at the meat. He pushed his food away again. "I'm sorry...I can't." He decided he wouldn't let himself become like the rest of the ghouls, he would eat the people he had worked to save.

Kaneki sighed. "Okay...we'll have to try again some other time. How about we go to sleep and I'll take you to Anteiku in the morning." Juuzou nodded enthusiastically, getting up from his stool.

* * *

  
Suzuya tossed and turned in his sleep, finding himself constantly between being awake and a deep sleep. He whined and sat up on the bed, looking out of the window beside him. It was still dark, hopefully still late at night and not early in the morning. He gave a small smile when he saw a cat wandering down the street and he watched it brush up against a bush. The cats eyes glistened in the moonlight, before it quickly raced off when a car drove past. He sighed softly and looked over at Kaneki, who was fast asleep on the sofa. "Why are you helping me, Kaneki?" He said in a hushed tone. "You don't even know me, but you took me in." He pulled the bed covers off his lower half and moved to get out of the bed, tip toeing over to the sofa. "Thank you, Kaneki-Kun." He smiled, almost feeling himself again. He knew it would take a while until he could go back to the way he used to be, but for now he would cope. Suzuya carefully settled down next to Kaneki, curling up against the waiters chest.

Kaneki woke up in the morning, panicking as he realised he was holding someone in his arms, before he realised it was Suzuya. He let out a breath as he relaxed, wondering what what point of the night Suzuya had joined him. The doves hair was tangled and unkempt and Kaneki was certain the teen had dribbled on his chest, but the look of a sleeping Juuzou just made his heart flutter. He smiled down at Suzuya, who was still fast asleep so Kaneki decided not to wake him for now.

* * *

  
"Kaneki, why do we have to go in so early?" Suzuya complained as the two ghouls walked towards Anteiku. Kaneki had finally woken Suzuya up after it had gone nine o'clock, knowing that he couldn't be much later for work. That morning Kaneki had learnt that Suzuya was definitely not a morning person. His constant attempts to wake Suzuya up had resulted in a lot of whining and kicking, both on Suzuyas part.

"We're already late, Juuzou. You'll have to wake up earlier of you want to work here." He laughed softly, shaking his head as Suzuya yawned. It was nice seeing Juuzou like this, it made Kaneki feel like he was going to see what Juuzou used to be like before all the bad things happened. He knew that Suzuya still had some adjusting to go and it would be hard, but he wanted to see the dove happy.

"But I already have a job." Suzuya reminded Kaneki, walking a few paces behind the waiter.

"You had a job, but you can't walk in there still unable to control your kakugan." He pointed out, having noticed that Suzuyas eyes spent a great deal of time as kakugan. "I don't want to pull you away from work you love, but they'll hurt you, Juuzou." He didn't get a reply after that, both of them staying silent until they reached Anteiku.

"Sorry we're late." Kaneki apologised as the two of them went inside, seeing Nishio, Touka and Hinami.

"Yoshimura is waiting for you upstairs." Nishio told Kaneki. "He wants to talk to you alone, Kaneki. I'll keep an eye on your dove whilst your up their." Kaneki nodded and headed through the staff door, leaving Juuzou with the others.

Suzuya walked over to a table where a young girl was sat. "Excuse me, could I join you?" He asked, smiling brightly. The little girl nodded and he pulled out a seat to sit down.

"I'm Hinami." The young girl introduced herself, a book placed in front of her.

"Juuzou Suzuya. It's nice to meet you Hinami!" He looked down at her book. "You're learning how to read kanji?" He asked curiously. Hinami nodded, passing her book over to Juuzou.

"Onii Chan is teaching me how to read and write in Kanji." She said excitedly, before tilting her head at Suzuya, watching him read her book. "You were with Onii Chan, do you know him?" She asked.

"Oh." Suzuya looked at the young girl, unsure of how to explain the situation. "Kaneki-Kun is helping me through a hard time. We just met really...but..." Suzuya looked over in the direction Kaneki had left in. "I'm really glad I met someone like him." His attention was brought back to Hinami when she let out a little gasp.

Hinami stood up, bracing her hands on the table. "I wish you the best of luck with Onii Chan!" She exclaimed happily, confusing Suzuya.

"Oh...no, we aren't..." He stopped talking when Kaneki came back through the door with the manager. "That was fast..." He mumbled, standing up. "Please excuse, Hinami-chan." He bowed a little and headed off to see Kaneki, leaving Hinami with a small blush.

"Juuzou." Kaneki greeted him happily. "You can work here!" He told the dove.

"I can?" Juuzou asked, still unsure of how he felt about all of this.

"You can." Yoshimura confirmed with a nod. "I will allow you to work here and in return we will keep you well fed and protected. We look of for each other here." He smiled at the teen. "Though, it has come to my attention that you are a former CCG agent and your partner is aware that you are now a ghoul?" Suzuya nodded. "Hmm. I'm going to have to ask that you refrain from contacting him. He knows too much now and you'll be putting all of us at risk. Kaneki, I would like you to take Suzuya to see Uta, get him a mask made." Kaneki nodded.

"Thank you, Sir." Suzuya bowed, Yoshimura patting the dove on the shoulder, before walking over to talk to Hinami.

"Come on, let's go see Uta now. It's still early in the day, so if we're lucky he'll have your mask done I'm a couple of days." Kaneki tugged on Suzuyas shirt sleeve, which Kaneki had loaned him as well as a pair of jeans.

* * *

  
"So, what sort of things do you like?" Uta asked Suzuya Ashe took his head measurements.

"What do I like?" Suzuya wasn't sure what he liked, besides hunting ghouls, it had become something he had enjoyed greatly. "I don't really know anymore." He shrugged.

"You were with the CCG, right? It must be strange being on the other side now." He commented, writing down some ideas on a piece of paper. He noticed Suzuya shrink in his seat, so he didn't push the topic any further. "I'll have your mask ready in a couple of days, I feel I've gotten everything I need for it."

"Thank you." Suzuya looked around, feeling out of place, before his eyes fell on Kaneki, who was looking around at all the other masks. Uta looked between the two of them and smiled. "You two will look great hunting together." He said nonchalantly, causing Suzuya to blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm so glad you all seem to be enjoying it so far!
> 
> Your comments have been encouraging me more than ever. I really appreciate the feedback.
> 
> Also, I think I'm going to do a sketch of what Suzuyas mask will look like! I should post it on tumblr soon~


	5. Break In

"There, it fits perfectly." Uta said proudly, seeing his latest work finally being worn. "It should be comfortable enough to wear for long periods of time and it can stay on during fights without falling off." He explained, stepping back from Suzuya to stand next to Kaneki, both of them watching the dove.

"It's...it's definitely you, Juuzou." Kaneki smiled, a finger going to his lips as he thought. "Why don't you go look at yourself in the mirror?" Suzuya nodded and headed across the room to find a mirror. Once he found one, he caught his reflection and let out a small gasp. His make was black and covered up the top half of his face, leaving his mouth exposed. There was red stitching around the eye holes and and across the mask, in a patchwork style. He lifted his fingers to gently brush them over the mask, feeling the thread. His other hand was placed on the mirror, bracing himself.

"So, what do you think? It's pretty cool, right?" Kaneki asked, coming to stand behind Suzuya. The dove looked at Kanekis reflection and shrugged.

"Why do I need one? You know I won't fight. They're meant to conceal our identities, but Shinohara knows I'm a ghoul." He turned to face Kaneki.

"He may know, but he doesn't know where you went. Now whenever you fight a CCG investigator you'll have your mask. It's important for all of us that you wear it." Kaneki explained, putting a hand on Suzuyas shoulder.

"I told you, I'm not fighting." Suzuya insisted, taking his mask off.

"Well at least keep it. Uta worked hard on that and you might find a use for it." Kaneki smiled, looking over at Uta. "The mask is perfect, thank you!" He waved at Uta.

* * *

  
"Are you going to sulk the whole way back to Anteiku?" Kaneki asked, as the two teens walked silently. "I know you don't want to be a ghoul, but I think you should embrace it, rather than deny it. I went through a similar time and now I'm...adjusted to life." He nudged Suzuya as they walked.

"Embrace it? But what if one day we get into a fight with the CCG and Shinohara recognises me? I don't want him to see me like that." Suzuya sighed.

"Don't think of being a ghoul as shameful. You have a right to live and eating humans is how we do that, besides at Anteiku we don't have to kill anyone since our food supply is from people who died in accidents." He explained, before looking concerned. "Juuzou...if the CCG ever came for you, I would want you to defend yourself, rather than give up. I'll help show you how to fight, but the rest is up to you." Juuzou glanced at Kaneki, before nodding.

The two ghouls continued walking, before Suzuya suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Can we stop by my place? I haven't been there for so long. I miss home." He asked.

"Sure. Let's go." Kaneki gestured for Suzuya to lead the way. The two ghouls soon ended up outside Suzuyas apartment building and headed inside.

"I'm going to grab some of my clothes." Suzuya smiled, looking forward to being at home again. When the two of them made it to his floor, the headed down the hallway to his door. "What's this?" Juuzou asked himself, as they came to a stop. The door was open and pretty damaged, clearly someone had broken in. When they went inside the apartment, it was a mess, there clothes and possessions thrown everywhere. Juuzou frantically started to rush around his apartment, looking for something in particular.

"Juuzou, what are you looking for?" Kaneki asked, looking around at the mess. He knew this must have been down to the CCG, who else would have a reason to do this?

"Jason! Jason's gone!" Juuzou acclaimed, throwing objects across the living room. "I keep it in here and it's gone!" Kaneki walled cautiously over to the dove.

"Who's Jason?" Kaneki asked softly, sensing Suzuya was upset.

"My quinque! It's gone. They took it back!" He cried. "I worked so hard for that, it was mine!" Juuzou knelt down on the floor, giving up his search. "I only just got one." He mumbled win a sigh. "They broke in to take it. Why didn't Shinohara tell me?" The dove looked up st Kaneki with sad eyes.

"Juuzou." Kaneki ran his fingers through his hair, unsure of how to explain things to the dove. "Shinohara...he's on their side and you being a ghoul...makes you not one of them. They're already against you, it doesn't matter what you did for them, you're a threat now." Kaneki knelt down in front of Suzuya. "I'm sorry they took your quinque..." He admittedly hated the idea of quinques, it seemed almost inhuman.

Suzuyas face quickly changed from a look of sadness to an almost evil grin. "Kaneki, will you help me get Jason back?" It was clear that the dove was plotting something, though Kaneki wasn't sure if they could pull of raiding the CCG.

"Juuzou, there's only two of us...breaking into a building filled with doves. We'd be killed." Kaneki looked at the ghoul apologetically. "It's impossible." Juuzou shook his head, smiling giddily.

"I know how to get to my quinque without us being seen. Do you trust me?" Suzuya stood up, holding his hand out to Kaneki.

Kaneki took a moment to think, before taking Suzuyas hand, standing up. "I'll go with you on one condition." He stated. "I'll go with you, if you never come back to this apartment again. We'll come and get your things later and take then to mine, okay?" Kaneki finished, Suzuya looking somewhat surprised at the offer. The dove nodded with a smile.

"Okay, Kaneki."

* * *

  
"Please just wear it." Kaneki pleaded as he put his mask on. "For both of our sakes."

Suzuya rolled his eyes, looking down at his mask. "They're going to know I took it, so what's the point?"

"Just please. I need you to wear it." Kaneki placed his hand over Suzuyas. The two of them were stood on the rooftop of the CCG, which apparently was part of Suzuyas plan to get in without being seen.

The dove sighed and nodded, lifting his mask to put on his face, securing it up at the back of his head. "Let's go. They'll be less of them there at this time of night. A lot of them don't like to hang around after hours." Suzuya lead Kaneki over to a door, the waiter figured it was some kind of fire escape. The two entered with ease and made it down a flight of stairs. "We're nearly there." Juuzou whispered as they snuck down a corridor, pausing at the faintest of sounds. Suzuya had been right, the building was fairly empty, though they had seen a few people working late in the offices. They soon stopped sneaking and kneeled outside a door, Suzuya peeking through the glass. "Damn, he's still here..."

Kaneki frowned in confusion. "Who's still here? I thought you said no one would see us." Kaneki whispered.

"Shinohara. He never usually stays late...I thought he'd be at home." Juuzou looked at Kaneki. "This is his office. I know Jason's in there, they wouldn't give my quinque to anyone else." Suzuya said with certainty. "I have to go in and get it."

Kanekis eyes widened and he shook his head rapidly. "What? No. You can't just go bursting in there, he'll hurt you."

"He would never hurt me." Suzuya insisted, standing up, Kaneki desperately tugging at the doves sleeve. He knew it had been a bad idea and there was no way he was going to let Suzuya get hurt.

"Juuzou, please!" Kaneki let out one last plead before it was too late, Suzuya had already quietly opened the door. The older investigator was sat with his back to the two ghouls, so Suzuya gestured for Kaneki to follow him. Suzuya slowly got closer to his old partner, stopping in his tracks when he saw Jason in the corner of the room sitting next to the trash can. His heart felt like it had just fallen out of his chest, thinking that he meant that little to someone he thought cared. He his breath quicken as his anger grew. Kaneki noticed the sudden mood change in Juuzou from where he stood behind the white haired teen and he reached out to hold his hand.

Suzuya turned his head to look back at Kaneki, his eyes being taken over by his kakugan. Kaneki pulled his hand away when Suzuyas grip tightened, not wanting his hand to be injured. The waiter mouthed 'stop.', but the dove was too far gone, his anger getting the most of him.

Suzuya turned back to look at Shinohara, who seemed to be enthralled by the paperwork in front of him. "You took Jason." Suzuya all but grovelled, causing his ex partner to turn in his chair at speed.

"Juuzou?" The man stood, standing tall to intimidate the younger dove. "You...you can't be here." He kept his eyes fixed on Suzuyas kakugan. "Only CCG agents can have a quinque, you earned that and then you lost the right to have one." Suzuya kept looking for a sign that Shinohara was just acting like they were no longer friends, but it seemed the man was serious.

"Jason is mine! I worked for it!" Suzuya braced himself, as he got ready to attack. "You left me there. You let them change me into this and now you're too ashamed to deal with it." Suzuya tried to fight his ukaku, but he knew he couldn't hold on much longer. "S-Shinohara-San..." He bent over double, a hand resting on the floor in front of him. "Why didn't you help me?" The ghoul cried, looking up at Shinohara. The elder looked down at the ghoul, seeing fear in the teens eyes and for a moment he almost let his guard down wanting to help the boy he once considered a son to him.

"Answer me!" Suzuya cried again, just as his ukaku broke free. His wing like kagune flickered angrily, colours of dark red, blue and black mixing together. Shinohara backed up against his desk, looking at the teen in horror. Kaneki took his chance to jump in when he saw Shinohara reaching for his quinque, his own kagune moving to create a barrier between Juuzou and the swing of Shinoharas quinque.

"Suzuya, we need to leave now!" Kaneki called to the other ghoul, though he didn't get a response. Suzuya was still on the ground, looking as if he were desperately trying to control himself. "Juuzou!" Kaneki called again, wincing as the quinque continued to cut through his kagune, though he was still determined to protect his friend. Suzuya looked over his shoulder at Kaneki, before reaching an arm out towards him. He could hear every time Shimohara cut through Kaneki and it made him feel sick. In this moment he realised what it felt like to be on the other side of the fight.

"Kaneki." He breathed, as the waiter grabbed his hand, pulling him into his arms. Suzuyas ukaku retracted and he seemed to relax at the contact. Kaneki, still using his kagune as a shield, managed to back out of the room, holding Suzuya close to him. His kagune retracted as he carried Suzuya through the building, hearing an alarm suddenly going off. "They know we're here." He said to himself.

  
Kaneki kneeled on the floor of his apartment, cradling Suzuya in his arms. The two of them had managed to escape the CCG, just before the entire building was alerted to their presence, and Kaneki had carried Suzuya to his apartment. The white haired ghoul had passed out shortly after they had escaped.

"Juuzou?" Kaneki spoke softly, rocking Suzuya gently. "Juuzou, wake up." The doves eyes opened slowly, Kaneki noticing that he was still completely exhausted. "We're home now." Kaneki let his fingers brush through Suzuyas hair, moving the strands from his face.

"Where's Jason's?" Juuzou mumbled tiredly, looking up at Kaneki.

Kaneki looked away and shook his head. "I couldn't grab it without putting you in danger. I'm sorry, Juuzou."

"I'm going to get Jason back. Next time...I'll be prepared." Juuzou sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I was sure Shinohara wouldn't try to hurt me, but he did. I've got to be to afraid to hurt him." He knew that he had been wrong about his partner and it killed him to have only just realised it.

"I'll help you." Kaneki insisted. "But you need to learn how to control your kagune. After we finish work tomorrow, I'll teach you how to fight. I'll probably have to do it for a few weeks actually...and maybe ask Touka for help..."

Suzuya nodded and wrapped his arms around Kaneki. "Thank you." He smiled. "Kaneki...I didn't mean to put you in danger today." Kaneki held the ghoul close to him and sighed.

"It's okay." He did think Suzuya had put them both at risk, but he couldn't be mad, not after he had seen how heartbroken Suzuya was whilst they were fighting Shinohara. He was determined to look after his new friend and to keep him safe, he wouldn't let anyone hurt him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! If anyone's interested in seeing the drawing I did of Suzuya as a ghoul (and his mask design) here is the link! 
> 
> http://juuzou-rei.tumblr.com/post/140530916187/for-anyone-who-reads-my-fanfiction-i-said-i-would
> 
> I got some really lovely comments on the last chapter, I cannot thank you all enough. It makes my day reading them ^.^


	6. Little Dove

"Kaneki, look!" The dove beamed, pointing to his head. Kanekis eyes widened when he realised Suzuya had dyed his hair black, with his red hair clips now at the side rather than holding his bangs up. The new hair somehow made Suzuya look even paler and hide his face a little more. Kaneki had been sat on his sofa, watching the news on TV, with the curtains drawn. Suzuya had told him he was going to use the bathroom and after a good hour Kaneki couldn't help but wonder what the dove was up to. His question had now clearly been answered by the black haired dove hanging over the sofa beside him.

"You...you look really good." Kaneki stammered, unsure of what he thought about the new look. "Why did you change it?" He asked curiously.

"The CCG would recognise me a lot easier if I still had white hair. They won't be expecting me to look like this." He replied proudly. "Besides, I'm a ghoul now." He rolled over the sofa, sitting next to Kaneki.

Kaneki nodded slowly, figuring Suzuyas reason sort of made sense. He lifted his hand to brush Suzuyas bangs out his face. "Are you sure you're ready to accept that?"

"I am. I'm a ghoul, like you." Suzuya said confidently, making Kaneki smile. He knew it had been hard for Suzuya, but accepting who he was would be the right step to things getting better. Suzuya crawled closer to Kaneki, before wrapping his arms around him. "Thank you."

"F-For what?" Kaneki stuttered, his cheeks turning red, as the dove nuzzled his nose into the crook of his neck.

"For being here with me."

* * *

  
One month later

"Suzuya!" Nishio called the black haired ghoul to him. "I told you to stop freaking out the customers. Sew yourself in your own time, not around people who are trying to eat." Nishio warned.

"Ah, Nishio Senpai, but look how good it is." Suzuya practically sang, holding out his arm to Nishio, showing him his latest addition of read stitches.

"Just...don't do it in front of customers, okay?" The taller ghoul sighed, adjusting his classes on the bridge of his nose. "Can you man the counter for a while?" He asked, trying to keep Suzuya in one place, where he could keep an eye on him. The dove nodded and went behind the counter to start making some coffee.

"Don't be so hard on him, Nishiki. We all started off like him." Kaneki came to stand beside Nishio.

"None of us used body modification as a form of entertainment for customers. He needs to fit in or he'll draw too much attention to us." Nishio crossed his arms.

"I like how he is. He doesn't need to change." Kaneki mumbled, his eyes fixed on the dove.

"Of course you do, but we're not all hopelessly in love with him now are we?" Nishio smirked, leaving Kaneki speechless. "Don't let your feelings for him keep you from letting him know what to do and what not to do."

"I...what!? Nishiki-Kun!" Kaneki blushed deeply, the colour darkening when he noticed Suzuya was looking at him. The dove smiled, making Kanekis heart beat a little faster. "I'm...I'm going to step outside..." Kaneki said quickly, rushing out the door.

Once he was outside he took a deep breath and started to walk. "What was all that about?" He put his hand on his chest, feeling the best of his heart. "How does he do this to me?" Kaneki looked down at the floor, before his shoulder suddenly collided with a taller man. "Sorry, Sorry! I wasn't looking where I was going." Kaneki apologised, unable to bring himself to look up at the person he had walked in to.

"Don't worry about it, it was my fault too." He heard a friendly voice say, before the figure continued on. Kaneki looked back at the figure, noticing there were in fact two men.

'Hmm, he sounds familiar.' Kaneki thought, before shaking it from his head, he had more important things to worry about. He continued walking, until he made it to the town centre, deciding to go in to the library. The library always helped him clear his head, or at least forget what he was worrying about.   
Kaneki found a few books and settled down at a table in the corner of the library, it was quiet and discrete, almost perfect. He gently opened his first book and started to read, time feeling as though it was completely still.

* * *

The door bell of Anteiku chimed as the door opened, two tall men walking in to the building. Nishio greeted the men and took their order once the customers had settled in a seat. Nishio walked up the the counter and handed Suzuya the piece of paper with the order. "Two coffees, Juuzou." Suzuya nodded, finishing up a fresh pot of coffee. The dove poured the coffee into two cups and called Nishio over to take them to the customers.

"Here you go, enjoy!" Nishio smiled, placing the cups in front of the men. As he was paid, he turned his head to see Suzuya playing with the thread on his lips. "Juuzou!" Nishio called, one of the customers in front of him gasping. "I'm sorry, he's new..." Nishio apologised.

"Juuzou?" The man repeated the name, a small frown on his face. "Suzuya Juuzou?" He asked, receiving a nod. The man looked over to the teen on the counter, not completely recognising him. This teen had black hair and loose bangs, but he also had the familiar red hair clips and body stitches, not to mention Suzuyas unique red eyes. "Interesting." He mumbled. The other man shook his head, telling the other man to drop whatever he was thinking.

* * *

Kaneki finished his last book and sighed. His head was filled with the books content, but Juuzou was still somewhere in there. "Damn it." He muttered, picking the books up to place them back on their shelves. "I wonder how he's doing. I hope Nishio isn't being too hard on him." He said quietly, sliding the last book onto a shelf. As he started to leave the library, a strangers voice played over in his head. It was the voice of the man he had bumped into, yet somehow he recognised it. Kaneki tried to place where it was from, but he couldn't.  
He started his walk back to the cafe, knowing the manager wouldn't be thrilled with him disappearing through a shift.   
As Kaneki stood at the door, he suddenly remembered where the voice was from. "Shinohara." He gasped, quickly going inside.

* * *

Juuzous head snapped to look at the door as it burst open, Kaneki coming in almost breathless. He smiled over at the waiter, tilting his head slightly. "Ah, Kaneki-Kun! I wondered where you went." Kaneki walked quickly over to Suzuya and grabbed the doves shirt, pulling him part way over the counter, their faces only millimetres away from each other.

"You haven't noticed who's here!?" He said in a high whisper. "I knocked into him on the way here and I should've known!"

"Who? What are you talking about Kaneki?" Suzuya placed his hands on Kanekis, trying to get him to release his shirt.

"It's Shinohara...and someone else is with him." Kaneki whispered, Suzuyas face falling fast.

"Shinihara-San?" He looked over Kanekis shoulder and his eyes immediately fell on Shinohara. "Shinohara and Amon." He mumbled, saddened that he had already been replaced. "Why are they here?" He looked at Kaneki, the eyepatch ghoul noticing the doves sudden fear.

Kaneki let go of Suzuyas shirt and let his hands gently cup the black haired ghouls cheeks. "I'm not going to let them get to you. I'll tell Nishio and then we can get out of here." He said determinedly.

* * *

  
Kaneki let out a relieved breath as he and Suzuya walked away from the cafe. It had been a close call, but they had managed to get out without being noticed, or so he hoped, but he couldn't help but noticed the look on Suzuyas face. Kaneki had been so caught up in the success of their getaway that he had almost missed how upset the dove looked. Juuzous head was down and small sniffs continued to come from him. "Juuzou-chan?" Kaneki asked with concern.

"Juuzou-chan?" Suzuya repeated, causing Kaneki to blush. He sniffed and rubbed one of his eyes with his sleeves as his free hand went to hold Kanekis. Kaneki gently squeezed his friends hand, wondering what was wrong.

"You know I'm not going to let them hurt you, okay?" Kaneki tried to comfort him. "Everyone's at Anteiku will look after you." As he said that he received a disbelieving look from the dove.

"Shinohara used to say he'd look after me too. He doesn't care anymore." Suzuya sighed. Kaneki stopped them walking, moving to stand in front of Suzuya, taking both of his hands.

"Stop thinking about him. How would you have reacted if someone you knew turned into a ghoul? You'd kill them, right?" He asked, already knowing the answer, Suzuya nodding. "He probably still cares, but that doesn't matter...you have us now...you have me. Stop focusing on what you had."

"You think he could still care?" Suzuya asked hopefully, seemingly the only part of the conversation he was focused on. He looked at Kaneki with hopeful eyes.

"Does it matter? He tried to kill you. He tried to kill both of us." Kaneki said in frustration. "I'm here and I care. I won't ever stop caring."

Suzuya pulled his hands from Kanekis. "I have to go talk to him. Let's go." He gestured for Kaneki to follow him, but the waiter shook his head.

"Stay with me, Juuzou. I care about you a lot more than he does." He admitted. "I have since I first saw you." He looked down at the floor for a moment, before hearing footsteps walking away from him. He looked up to see Suzuya had gone. Kaneki sighed and separated to slowly follow Suzuya. "I don't think he even realises how much I care for him." He muttered to himself.

* * *

Juuzou ran back to Anteiku, bursting through the door, drawing the attention of everyone inside. He breathlessly looked around the cafe, his eyes soon landing on Shinohara and Amon. He walked up to them as they both shared a concerned look. "Shinohara-San, Amon-San." He greeted them bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're not here to try and kill me again, right?" He asked. "Because I wouldn't want to make a scene in front of all these people."

"You work here then? Does that other ghoul work here too?" Shinohara asked his ex partner, remembering the eyepatch ghoul the had protected Juuzou.

"My friend got me the job here, but he doesn't work here. They don't know about me." He lied, trying to protect his friends. "Although I'm sure they'd be more accepting than you."

"Suzuya...what happened to you?" Amon asked cautiously, not wanting to anger the ghoul.

Suzuya sighed. "I'm sure you know what happened to me before I joined the CCG?" Amon nodded, fully aware of Suzuya being brought up as a ghoul. "I was taken by the same ghoul and I got hurt. A quick operation and I'm one of them now. I stayed there waiting for you guys to show up, but you never came." He shot a glare at Shinohara. "You didn't even try."

Shinohara held up his hand to stop both Amon and Juuzou from talking. "What do you mean you got hurt?" He asked, feeling the familiar worry he always had for Juuzou.

"I wasn't performing like I used to, so one of the ghouls used their ukaku to send crystals through my chest. I couldn't breath and they gave me the ghouls lungs." Suzuya explained briefly. "I thought they'd just let me die, but it turns out ghouls care for each other a lot more than humans."

Shinohara reached in to his pocket and pulled out a piece of folded paper. He unfolded it and handed it to Suzuya. "What's this?" He asked, looking down at the paper that had his face on it. "Missing." He read, a description of him written down. "You made missing posters." He slammed the paper down on the table. "I'm not missing."

"You are missing, Juuzou. We never stopped looking for you, but we could only do so much." Shinohara looked at him with sympathy.

"We started putting them up a few days ago. Shinohara told us that you had tried to take Jason back and we all decided we needed to bring you in." Amon spoke calmly. "We'd like you to turn yourself in and then we can see if you can...possibly come back to work. Of course we would need you under constant supervision, but you were always dedicated to hunting ghouls."

"You want me back at the CCG?" Suzuya asked, momentarily feeling excited at the idea, but soon shook his head. "I can't. I don't belong there anymore."

Shinohara and Amon rose out of their seats. "Just think about it." Shinohara told him, patting Juuzous shoulder. "We need you, Juuzou." The two men left without another word, leaving Suzuya to think things over.

"You're leaving aren't you?" Suzuya heard Kaneki ask. He looked over at the waiter, wondering how long he had been back for and how ,inch of the conversation he had heard. Kaneki looked upset and somewhat disappointed.

"Kaneki-Kun..." Juuzou started, but Kaneki cut him off.

"Don't 'kun' me, Juuzou." He snapped. "You can't just abandon us. We took you in as one of us and now you're going to go back to them!"

Suzuya stepped closer to Kaneki. Luckily for them the cafe was now empty, so they weren't drawing to much attention to themselves. "Kaneki...I haven't decided...I'm just surprised they would actually let me back."

"They'll use you! You're a freak to them, a freak with an amazing strength that they can use. They'll make you kill your own kind. I need you here...with me." Kaneki frowned.

"They wouldn't use me!" Suzuya defended, clenching his fists.

"Stop being so naive! I wouldn't be surprised if they stripped you down for your kagune! Go back to them for all I care! I don't want you here anymore!" Kaneki shouted in anger, not meaning what he was saying.

"Should we step in?" Touka asked Nishio from where they were both stood behind the counter. Nishio shook his head.

"Fine! I'll go!" Suzuya pushed passed Kaneki, heading for the door. Just as he was about to grab the handle, Kaneki leapt on top of him, knocking them both to the ground.

"Don't...please..." Kaneki closed his eyes, trying to hold back his emotions. Suzuya writhed underneath him, soon knocking him off.

"I'm going!" Suzuya snarled, his kakugan quickly appeared as he glared at Kaneki. Kaneki sat up and looked down at the floor.

"Juuzou-Chan..." He said softly, getting Suzuyas attention. "I need you." He admitted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I'm going to work my butt off to get another chapter for this done and some for my other two fics!
> 
> I hope you're all liking it so far and as always thank you for reading/commenting and giving kudos, it means a lot!
> 
> I'm undecided if Suzuya will go back to the CCG or not. What do you guys think?
> 
> (Tumblr Juuzou-Rei)


	7. Body Collectors

Suzuya calmed down momentarily when he looked at Kaneki one the floor. 'What am I doing, Rei? He looked after me...he cares about me. Can I really leave him?' He thought, taking his eyes off Kaneki to look at the door. 'But...Shinohara needs me too...' He frowned and shook his head. "Kaneki...I'll stay." Kaneki looked up at him, not sure if he had heard right.

"You'll stay?" Kaneki asked, standing back on his feet. "You really mean it?" He asked cautiously, stepping closer to the dove. "Because if you really mean it, you can't go and change your mind later on." Suzuya opened his mouth to reply, but was quickly interrupted by Nishio.

"He just said he'll stay. Take his answer and stop being so dramatic, your driving all our customers away." Nishio rolled his eyes and he started to polish all of the cups and plates.

"But...no ones here." Kaneki pointed out, looking around at the empty cafe.

Nishio groaned and placed the cup he was currently polishing down on the counter. "Why don't you two go and make yourselves useful? Yomo couldn't make the usual pickup, so Kaneki, you'll have to go instead. The bags are down in the basement." Kaneki nodded, but Suzuya was left confused. The eyepatches ghoul took Suzuyas hand and lead him through the staff door, heading down the stairs and in to the basement.

* * *

 

"Kaneki, what was Nishio-Kun talking about?" The dove asked, his sentence came to a slow end when they entered the room. The basement was large, with a cold stone floor and brick walls. There were cupboard and counters, almost like a strange run down kitchen. It was considerably darker and gloomy compared to the cafe upstairs, but what caught Suzuyas attention were the blood stained counter tops and the large bags on the floor. "What...what is this?" He asked, in an almost accusing tone.

"It's where we keep human bodies. We find them on this road, where a lot of people fall to their death...it's pretty much the only alternative to killing. Yomo usually goes to get them, but I guess he couldn't today." Kaneki explained, heading over to two bags and picked them up. These bags were large and could easily fit a curled up corpse inside.

"You just take them?" Suzuya asked, disapprovingly. "I told you I'm not going to eat humans, so I'm not coming to do this with you." The dove crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Kaneki.

"You'll have to eat sooner or later." Kaneki walked back to Suzuya, holding a bag out to him. "You don't have to eat them, but you're coming with me. I'm not taking no for an answer. You said you'd stay, so you do the work." Kaneki spoke bluntly, not wanting to deal with anymore of Suzuyas stubbornness. He shoved one of the bags into Suzuyas arms, the other ghoul protesting as they left the basement.

* * *

Kaneki and Suzuya had been walking for almost an hour, heading to the place Yomo had showed him. Throughout the hour Suzuya had not stopped talking about how taking deceased human bodies was wrong, all Kaneki could do was listen and try not to snap at the dove.

"We're here." He stated, as they came to the corner of a reload, high up a cliff. "Don't lean over the edge, you'll fall." He quickly warned as he saw Suzuya curiously peering over the edge. "Let's just hope there's someone down there." Kaneki breathed, before gracefully jumping down the cliff.

"Kaneki!" Suzuya called after him, leaning over the edge before loosing is balance. He dove soon ended up tumbling down after Suzuya, landing a lot less gracefully than Kaneki. He rubbed the top of his head and stood up, brushing off his clothes. His eyes quickly found Kaneki, as he watched the ghoul already piling a body in to his bag.

"Juuzou, there's a couple here...come get one." Kaneki encouraged, zipping his own bag up.

Suzuya stood still, shaking his head. The bodies were at least a few days old and the smell of their rotting flesh already plagued the air. He was used to dead bodies, especially the smell of them, but the idea of eating something like this made his stomach turn. "I'm not doing that." Kaneki left his bag on the ground and stormed over to Suzuya.

"You would if it was a ghoul though, right?" He waited for a moment, but didn't receive a reply. The look in the doves eyes was enough to tell Kaneki that the answer was yes. "Why? Would you want to rip them open and take their kagune for one of your quinques? You think this is wrong, but you doves are no better." He spat, tired of being judged.

"You doves? You still see me as one of them." Suzuya uttered, dropping his bag on the floor.

"That's because you talk like you're one of them. You act like your different from the rest of us, but you're not. The only difference is that you'd rather betray your own kind." Kaneki sighed. "You know what. I'm tired of you." He declared, turning to walk back to his bag. He heard a sniff from behind him and felt his stomach turn. He never meant it when he got mad with Suzuya, but he couldn't back down now. After the sniff there came a rustles from the trees and quickly paced footsteps. Kanekis brow furrowed, thinking Suzuya had ran, but as he turned around he noticed a large shadow behind the dove. "Juuzou!"

Suzuya turned to look at what had caught Kanekis attention, but barely had a second to register who it was, before he was being thrown to the ground. "Now, Rei, who's been a naughty boy?" Juuzou froze as he heard Big Madams voice, his eyes soon focusing on the ghoul on top of him.

"Mama?" He asked, his hands pulling at the grass beneath him.

"Juuzou!" Kaneki called, running over to help his friend, but quickly getting knocked back by Big Madams kagune. Kaneki was thrown against the trunk of a tree and fell limp against the floor, his eyes barely able to open enough to watch what was happening.

"Juuzou, you kept your name." Big Madam practically beamed. "But what have you done?" She took a fistful of Suzuyas black hair, before gagging. "Your hair was so beautiful before. I suppose if this is how you want the new you to look..." She clapped her hands together, towering over the dove. "My precious pet, I'm here to take you home. I can't leave a young ghoul out here by himself."

"I'm human!" Suzuya shouted up at the ghoul standing over him. "I would rather have died that day than have been given a ghouls organs. I will always hate your kind." He glared up at the ghoul, his black hair gently flickering in the breeze of the wind. Kaneki reached an arm out towards Suzuya, but couldn't find the strength to stand.

"You're delusional." Big Madam snarled. "No human has eyes like that." She grinned with joy, notching Suzuyas kakugan appear.

"I'm never going to be like you. I will always hunt your kind down and kill them." Suzuya taunted, angering the ghoul.

"Fine!" The ghoul cried out. "Why did you have to be such a disappointment? You don't deserve those lungs in your chest." She barked, ripping Suzuyas shirt open. "Don't mind if I take them back. I'll give them to one of my more appreciative pets."

Suzuyas writhed under Big Madam, but it seemed I possibly for him to shake her off. He felt weak from weeks of not eating. 'If I had listened to Kaneki, I'd be strong enough to fight back.' He thought as he closed his eyes tightly. Big Madam laughed down at the dove. "You used to be so good. Look at you now. Hideous." She spat, pulling at each individual red thread that Suzuya had stitched himself with. He felt the threads down his neck being pulled in turn, ripping from his skin. "These always looked silly. It's ruining you." She watched as Suzuyas skin reddened, blood streaming from the small wounds.

Kaneki pulled himself up onto his knees, listening as Suzuya cried out, the dove kicking his legs to try and get himself free. "Juuzou..." Kaneki breathed, attempting to stand.

"Now that I've made you beautiful again..." Big Madam cooed, looking down at Suzuya with pride. All of his body modifications had been removed, even having had the ones from under his eye torn out. "...we can get rid of those lungs you despise so much." She brought her kagune to Suzuyas chest, the tentacle like muscle at a sharp point, ready to burst open the doves chest. Suzuya felt as the muscle slowly pierced his skin and the rush of blood dribbling down his waist. Big Madam let out a laugh, but before she could press any further, Kanekis rinkaku knocked her from on top of the dove.

"Leave him alone." He snarled, letting his kagune wrap around the surprised ghoul, piercing through each of her limbs. "He's mine!" Kaneki exclaimed, throwing the ghoul against the cliff face. The ghoul lay still, thought Kaneki was sure it wouldn't take much time for her to heal. Rushing to sit next to Suzuya, Kaneki gently pulled him in to his lap. "You need to eat. Please." He pressed a hand to Suzuyas cheek, swiping the blood from the doves lips with his thumb. "If you don't eat, you're going to die."

"Then let me die." Suzuya mumbled, holding Kanekis writs, before the ghoul was hit by Big Madams bikaku.

"I had almost forgotten about you." She gibed, now back on her feet. "You took my pet away from me." She aimed continuous hits at Kaneki, the young waiter managing to dodge a few before being hit. The ghoul hit the floor and rolled, but was quick to get up, trying to muster the strength to fight. Kanekis rinkaku locked in battle with Big Madams bikaku, both strong and fast.

Suzuya slowly dragged his body over to one of the corpses they had come to pick up, leaving a trail of crimson stained grass. He felt sick looking at the body, but threw his thoughts aside, before biting into the humans flesh. He clenches his eyes shut as he continued to eat. 'I have to...I have to eat...for Kaneki...' He quickly felt himself gaining his strength back, feeling better than he had for weeks. He almost overindulged lost himself, when Kaneki fell next to him, kicking him out of his haze. Looking up, blood dripping from his chin, he saw Big Madam looking down at them both.

"Juuzou-Chan! You're eating!" She cooed proudly, as if she hadn't been trying to kill both him and Kaneki. "My baby! You'll make mama proud again some day." He bent down to gently brush Suzuyas cheek with her knuckles, before she quickly moved away from them, disappearing between the shadows of the trees.

Kaneki lay bloodied and bruised next to Suzuya, but a small smiled played on his lips, catching the doves attention.

"Kaneki? I'm sorry...I didn't think she'd come after me..." He tried to apologise, but Kaneki pressed a finger to the doves lips.

"You're eating." The ghoul smiled. "You can explain what that was all about later, but I'm glad you finally found a reason to eat."

"I wanted to help you." Juuzou admitted. "I thought she would kill you."

"Just, don't wait so long before eating again, cause I can't do all the fights by myself. I need you with me..." Kaneki smiled softly, lifting his hand to brush Suzuyas bangs from his face. "...always."

Juuzou looked down at Kaneki, before shifting closer. He felt his heart race in his chest and his cheeks heat up. "Thank you...Kaneki, but I think..." He held his tongue for a second, not knowing how to word his sentence. "Kaneki I'm..." He clenched his fists and leaned down to gently press his lips to Kanekis, feeling the ghoul gasp. Kaneki made no move to encourage or end the kiss, his mind racing to try and understand what was happening, but before he could get his head around the thought of Suzuya kissing him the lips were gone. Kaneki almost let out a whine in protest, missing the softness of the other ghouls lips, though he managed to hold himself back. Suzuya sat up, his arms, chest and face feeling numb, with a small sigh he attempted to stand. 'How am I meant to tell him I'm leaving? I'd give anything to be able to stay.' He thought as his legs trembled when he found his feet. He looked down at his friend, who was still dazed by the kiss, making Suzuya give a small smile.

"I'm going back." He admitted, looking from Kaneki to the dark night sky. Kaneki leaned up on his elbows, looking at the dove.

"You're going home? We probably should, these bodies need to be taken back." Kaneki half mumbled, his mind still wondering about the kiss. 'He kissed me...and I wanted him to, but what was it for? He's acting like it didn't even happen.'

"No, Kaneki, I'm going back to the CCG. If I'm a ghoul, I'm going to do whatever it takes to try and be human again." Suzuya looked down at the ghoul. "I'm sorry. I know you tried to help...and I want to still be friends, but I need to do this. I don't belong with you."

Kaneki dropped his head back down on to the grass, a small thud sounding. 'This isn't real.' He tried to tell himself. 'He kissed me to say goodbye? I can't...I can't just let him go!' Kaneki sat up quickly, his entire body screaming in pain as his wounds continued to heal. He looked around the area, his eyes scanning between the trees and in the shadows, but Suzuya had gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long! I've been busing myself with some digital drawings of Suzuya and working.
> 
> I had this done a few days ago, but I was unsure about it, but hey I have a plan for the next chapter!
> 
> Just a reminder that this is an M rated fic, and the reasons for it will be happening soon!
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed ^-^


	8. A Dove Again

Kaneki pushed a tree branch from his face as he ran, his breath heavy and his legs tried. His wounds still hadn't completely healed, so it was taking every ounce of strength to not let his legs crumble beneath him. He was not entirely sure of the direction he was heading in, but he was just letting his feet carry him, running as fast and as far as he could. He had been certain that this was the way Suzuya had gone, that maybe if he was fast enough he could catch up, but the dove had disappeared in to thin air. As Kaneki came to the edge of the forest, he stopped at the edge of a road, resting his palms on his knees as he doubled over, breathing deeply to try and catch his breath. Cars continuously passed by Kaneki, their lights flashing in his eyes, causing him to wince, and reflecting off his blood stained skin. He stepped in to the road, hearing car horns going off as drivers swirled to avoid him, though he took no notice of them. He knew how dangerous the world could be for a ghoul that wouldn't fight and wouldn't eat, so he could only imagine how much trouble Suzuya was in.

* * *

Suzuya found his way to a familiar building and weakly knocked on the front door. This was Shinoharas place and the lights were on, so Suzuya could only assume someone was home. When there was no response, he knocked a little harder, blood smeering on to the wooden door. The dove frowned and tried to wipe away the blood with the palm of his hand, only spreading more over door. He took away his hand and looked at his palm, the skin red and sore from where his stitches had been pulled out. As he looked at his hand, the door opened, light spilling out from the house and dancing across his pale skin.

"Juuzou?" He heard Shinohara ask, before looking from his hand to the man stood in front of him. Suzuya tried his best to not be over joyed at the sight of his ex partner, after all he had tried to kill him, but Suzuya couldn't help but feel as though their friendship could be fixed.

"Shinohara-San." He beamed, moving his hands behind his back and swayed backwards and forwards on his feet. "I hope I didn't wake you." He closed his eyes as he smiled, his black bangs falling across his forehead, before falling to sit between his eyes. When he looked at Shinohara, it was almost as if there was a stranger looking back. His partner hadn't changed at all, but the way he looked at Suzuya, it was as if Shinohara was meeting him for the first time.

"You're here about the offer me and Amon made you?" Shinohara asked, stepping out from his house. The man placed his hands in his pockets, an almost unwelcoming vibe coming off of him, though Suzuya chose to ignore it.

The black haired teen nodded, smiling. "I know I'm partly a ghoul now, but I still want to be with the CCG. Ghoul hunting is what I do best and I don't want to be with them...I can fight them...even more efficiently than before." He tried to persuade.

"We can talk more about this tomorrow morning. I'll meet you at the CCG office and we can have a meeting. I should get back in there though..." Shinohara gestured to his home. "It's almost midnight." The man turned to his door, but a small hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Shinohara? Can I...I don't have anywhere to go. The CCG wrecked my home and I don't think my friend will want me to stay with him anymore." Suzuya admitted, removing his hand from the elder dove. Just as he lowered his arm, Shinoahra gently grabbed it, lifting it to the light.

"What happened? Did you do this?" He asked, knowing Suzuya had a thing for body modification, though he didn't think the teen would pull them out so carelessly. The black haired dove shook his head, lowering his arm and pointed to his reddened lip and lower eyelid.

"Big mama found me again...she didn't like the way I looked." He looked down at the ground. "So she pulled them out, each and every thread. It's going to take me ages to do it all again." The dove sighed.

"Um, maybe you should let the wounds heal first, otherwise you might get an infection." Shinohara warned as he stepped to the side, placing one hand on Suzuyas back to guid him towards the door. "Come and stay the night and tomorrow we'll look for somewhere you can stay."

* * *

Kaneki sat alone on his bed, the sheets still scrunched up and wrinkled from when Suzuya had woken up that morning. Kaneki had been telling him to make the bed, so that it was tidy, but the dove always left the sheets as they were stating that it looked more homely. Kaneki smiled sadly at the thought of Suzuya in his bed, it was a sight he had only been lucky to see a couple of times. The dove had often left the comfort of the bed to join Kaneki on the sofa, something that Kaneki had began to look forward to in the knight. He laid down, pulling his sheets to his chest, the smell of the dove still evident. It didn't take long for Kaneki to fall asleep, though having left the door unlocked just in case his friend came home.

* * *

Suzuya slowly opened his eyes and sat up, stretching his arms above his head. He let out a small groan as he stretched his legs, his entire body feeling awake. He dropped his arms and yawned as he looked around the room. It was the Shimohara family guest room, which held a queen sized bed, one wardrobe and large window with a glass vase of flowers on the ledge. The room was pastel blue, which seemed to compliment the sunlight that beamed in from outside the window. Suzuya scratched his head, his fingers tangling his nest of hair. He had tied it up in a neat bun before he went to sleep and had woken up with a loose bun and hair flicked in every direction. There was a small knock at the door, before it opened, Shinohara stepping in to the room. "I didn't wake you, did I?" He asked, carrying a breakfast tray over to the teen. "I made you something to eat." He set the tray down at the end of the bed, a small bowl of cereal and a glass of orange juice sat on it.

"You didn't wake me." Suzuya confirmed, crossing his legs so that the tray could fit on the bed. His stomach growled as he looked at the food, licking his lips. "Shinohara-San?" He looked up at his elder, a guilty expression forming on his face. "I'm sorry for everything that's happened...for trying to kill you..." Shinohara silenced Suzuya with a shake of the head and a pat on the shoulder.

"Juuzou, you were I'm a difficult place. It's my job to help you, I should've realised that sooner. You're still that same little boy I found all those years ago." The man smiled. "Eat up, we have a long day ahead." He moved his hand from Suzuyas shoulder and walked towards the door, closing it behind him as he left.

Suzuya looked down at the cereal in front of him, knowing he couldn't eat it. "I'm so hungry..." He had been living off of coffee and sugar cubes for so long, he longed for proper food again. The corpse he had partially eaten last night made him feel stronger again, like he hadn't been starving for weeks, but he couldn't slip up again, he couldn't eat humans and fight for them. "Maybe..." He lofted a spoonful of cereal to his lips, taking a breath before eating it. Human aged to chew and swallow it, before he started to feel sick. Leaping up from the bed, he accidentally sent the breakfast tray crashing to the floor, though he didn't have time to worry about that. He swung the bedroom door open and ran down the hallway to the bathroom, which luckily was not occupied. He stumbled into the bathroom and flung his head over the toilet, as his breakfast came back up and out of him. He coughed as the vomit stopped and he went to rise his mouth out in the sink. His throat ached and the horrible risky taste lingered on his tongue. A moment later, Shinohara came into the bathroom, keeping a distance from the ghoul.

"You couldn't hold it down." The man stated, clearly not needing any form of answer. "You know ghouls can't eat human food, Juuzou. Why did you try?"

"Because I'm human. I don't want to eat people, I don't want to be like this." He clenched his hands around the sink. He heard the man behind him stepping closer.

"Juuzou, we can on,y help you if you accept who you are. You're a ghoul...and I'm sorry that this happened to you, but when you accept that we can help you with eating." Shinohara tried to explain, even though it killed him inside to think of what Suzuya was going through.

"But...I have to eat people...how can I work at the CCG and still be a ghoul..." Suzuya mumbled, finding the strength to stand up straight and turn to face Shinohara.

"It'll be an adjustment, but I'm sure the CCG can find a way of getting the food you need without anyone having to be killed." The man assured him. "Come on, let's get ready and go to work."

* * *

Kaneki pulled himself from his bed, unable to hide the feeling of disappointment when he didn't wake up with Suzuya in his arms. He knew it was probably for the best, especially if it meant Suzuya was happy, but something inside of Kaneki was aching to have his friend back. The apartment felt empty without the black haired ghoul with him. He papered a quick breakfast, before he got ready for work. For the past few weeks he had enjoyed going to work with Suzuya, time spent with him was never boring and it made Kaneki feel like he wasn't so alone.

As he pushed open the door to Anteiku, he was greeted by a smiling Hinami, who held up a drawing to him. "What's this?" He mumbled tiredly, though tried to sound interested for the sake of the young girls feelings.

"Onii-chan, it's you and Juuzou-Chan." She explained, pointing to the figures she had drawn.

"Me and Juuzou?" He repeated, carefully taking the drawing. The figured were smiling together, with their hands joined. "Hinami, Juuzou...he's not going to be working here anymore." He tried to break the news to her.

"Juuzou-chan...isn't coming back? Will he come and visit?" She asked, looking up at Kaneki with sad eyes.

"He might, I don't really know." He handed Hinami her drawing back and headed towards the counter, the small girl following behind him.

"But you like each other, why would he leave?" She asked placing her drawing on the counter.

"Because he wanted to be somewhere else and I couldn't stop him." Kaneki started to brew a fresh pot of coffee. "Hinami can you go and change the sign?" The young girl nodded and quickly went outside to change the shop sign from 'closed' to 'open'. She looked down the street, seeing Nishiki walking towards the cafe, he waved over to her as she smiled. "Juuzou-Chan will come back for Kaneki." She said quietly to herself. "Everyone goes back to the person they love."

* * *

"I think he's capable of working from where he left off. He's still dedicated and has even gained more combat skills. A ghoul on our side could really benefit us." Shinohara tried to reason with the rest of the investigators, though it was clear still some had their doubts.

"What if he's working for the ghouls? How do we know he hasn't already told them all our plans and Intel? He's a risk. We can't expect him to pick a side, he's part of both worlds now." Marude argued, crossing his arms. "His only use for us is research."

"We're not experimenting on him, he's one of us." Shinohara countered.

"I think Shinohara is right." Matsuri Washuu spoke up. "He's always shown a disliking for ghouls, I doubt this little hiccup would send him in to their arms. I want a close eye kept on him, but for now he can continue from where he left off and with the full support of the CCG." He looked to Marude. "I feel some experiments may be necessary, however none will be physical. We'll just observe him...see how he copes with what he is. The boys always been a risk after all." With all the investigators agreed, the meeting soon ended, the decision to let Suzuya stay was the final outcome and he was once again partnered with Shinohara. Once as Suzuya followed Shinoahra out of the meeting room, a hand on his should kept him back. He turned to see Marude frowning down at him.

"If we're going to let you work here again, I want you to do something for us. You go out there and find some ghouls, get in to their groups, find out where they are and when they're vulnerable...then come back and we'll go and get them. You'll be out inside man." Marude rose and eyebrow. "Can we trust you?"

Suzuya nodded. He would happily find groups of ghouls and even pretend to be friendly with them, but he wouldn't do that with Anteiku, he couldn't betray them. "You can trust me." He confirmed, shrugging Marudes hand from his shoulder. As he started to walk away, Marude snickered, before speaking softly.

"We know you were with a group of ghouls, Juuzou. If you want to show us you're loyalty, bring them in. I'm sure they would rather be killed by you than one of us." The words made Suzuya freeze for a second.

"I'll go to them...but I don't think I can hurt them." Suzuya admitted.

"You've got compassion for ghouls?" Marude mocked. "After all they've done to you, I'm surprised you would defend them." The man grinned, knowing that Suzuyas past was the main thing is that kept him fuelled his hate for ghouls.

* * *

Kaneki groaned as yet another cup of coffee was returned to him. He focus was far off from brewing perfect pots of coffee and apparently the coffee now tasted like dirt. He had apologised to all the customers who had returned their drinks, promising them another one for free, but some of them just left the cafe. He slammed the pot of coffee on the counter in frustration, spilling the poor tasting coffee all over the counter. He sighed and pulled out a clothe to start wiping up, ignoring the looks he was getting off of the customers. Kaneki felt his heart sink when he noticed Hinamis drawing was still on the counter, now drenched in coffee. He moved to pick the piece of paper up, though it failed to stay together and ripped through the drawing. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the small girl looking over at him, making him feel guilty for ruining her picture. "I'm sorry, Hinami, I spilt coffee and ruined it." He put the remaining part of the paper he was holding down on to the counter. "It was very nice and I ruined it. Please forgive me." He turned to the girl.

Hinami was looking off at something, when her attention turned to Kaneki. "It's okay, Onii-Chan. I made one for Juuzou-Chan, so you guys can share that one." She smiled.

"Hinami-Chan, I told you...he might not be coming back." Kaneki muttered, still cleaning up the coffee.

"But he's here." She beamed excitedly, pointing over to a familiar black haired teen. "Juuzou-Chan!" She called over to him, waving when he turned around, before rushing over to him. "Juuzou! I made a picture for you." She handed the piece of paper to him. Kaneki watched as Suzuyas face glowed, his smile visible from a mile away, it made Kaneki wish he was the one making Suzuya smile. The dove bent down to look at Hinamis drawing, pointing to the two figures.

"Who are they?" He asked.

"You and Onii-Chan. I drew him one too, but he spilt coffee all over it...so I was thinking he could share this one with you." She smiled and pointed to the paper. "See, you guys are happy here when you're together, but today Onii-Chan looks sad."

Juuzou let his eyes glance over to the waiter, their eyes meeting for a split second before they both looked away. "I think that's my fault, Hinami. I went back to the CCG and i think it upset him." He said explained, watching a small frown appear on the girls face.

"The CCG? You can't be a dove, you're one of us!" She almost cried, catching Kanekis attention. The ghoul walked over to Hinami and Suzuya, crossing his arms as he stood between them.

"Juuzou, please don't upset her. She doesn't need anymore of your kind in her life." Kaneki frowned. "I don't either." Hinami looked up at Kaneki and Suzuya.

"Onii-Chan! You can't break up with him!" She protested firmly.

"Hinami..." Kaneki started, stepping back so that he could look at the younger ghoul. He tried to think of what to tell her, but it seemed Suzuya beat him to it. The black haired dove knelt down in front of the girl.

"I don't think he'll breakup with me. I've seen how he looks at me." Suzuya winked, before standing up. "Even if he doesn't see it." The ghoul tied his hair up in a loose bun and shrugged. "I'll come back tomorrow, I've got a lot to do today." He stretched his arm out and looked at his hand, planning a new stitch pattern in his head. "It was nice to see you, Hinami." He smiled down at the girl and headed to the door.

Kaneki felt a small tug on his sleeve and looked down at Hinami. "Go after him." She encouraged. "You heard him, he wants you to go after him." She let go of Kanekis sleeve.

"He does?" Kaneki mumbled. "Can you...go get Touka and ask her to watch the counter?" He asked slowly, receiving a nod of Hinami.

Suzuya slipped his hands in to his pockets, singing softly to himself as he walked. After visiting Anteiku he now realised how hard it would be to take them down. He hadn't grown close to many of the people there, but he knew they all cared for each other like family. 'I wonder what that's like.' He thought.

"Juuzou!" Kaneki called as he ran to catch up with the dove, who luckily walked at a slow pace. "Juuzou, wait." He soon caught up and started to walk, his breath a little heavy. Suzuya continued walking, aware of the ghoul beside him. "You can't just leave."

"I've already left." Suzuya pointed out. "Working in a cafe wasn't really for me anyway." He smiled as if there was nothing wrong in the world.

"No...you can't just leave after saying something like that. You can't just say things like that to Hinami, you'll confuse her." Kaneki argued.

"I don't think Hinami is the one that's confused." Suzuya sang softly.

"What? What do you mean? I'm not confused." Kaneki stammered nervously, his cheeks reddening faintly.

"Then why did you follow me?" Suzuya asked, stopping in his tracks to turn to Kaneki. There was a moment of silence between them, Suzuya not taking his eyes off Kanekis for a single moment.

"Why did you say that to her? Why did you kiss me? Why are you doing all of this?" Kaneki asked, decided to be open with everything.

"I was joking." Suzuya shrugged. "Hinami thinks we're some cute couple so I humoured her. Where's the harm in that?" Kaneki narrowed his eyes at the dove.

"And the kiss? That wasn't for anyone else, that was just us." Kaneki pressed.

"I kissed you, because I wanted to." Suzuya answered simply. "In the moment." He shook his head. "It didn't mean anything."

"Because you wanted to?" Kaneki repeated. "And it meant nothing? How can you say that after telling Hinami that we're basically together? And what about my feelings?"

"It doesn't matter." Juuzou spoke bluntly, causing Kaneki to open his mouth a little in surprise.

"It doesn't matter?"

"Can you stop repeating everything I say. You're like a parrot." Suzuya started walking again.

"You were just using me." Kaneki followed the dove, anger building up inside him. "What were you planning to do? Make me like you and then kill me?" He dug his eyes into the back of Suzuyas head, getting more frustrated when there was no reply. "I cared so much about you and you just leave? You know, you belong with the humans...you're just as heartless." Kaneki rambled, before bumping in to the back of the dove. Suzuya span around and grabbed Kaneki by the shoulder, before leaning their foreheads together.

"I won't care about you." Suzuya admitted, looking into Kanekis eyes. "Not like you do for me. You'll be in danger and I can't protect you." Kaneki frowned and tried to pull out from Suzuyas grip, but the dove was surprisingly strong.

"I don't need protecting. I just want you to come home, I want to wake up to you next to me on the sofa because you won't sleep alone on the bed. I want to walk to work with you and be able to spend the day just watching you smile at customers. But...I don't want to care about you anymore. I want you to leave and never come back to Anteiku again. The CCG aren't welcome there and we don't want you there." He spat, seeing what looked like a flash of hurt in Suzuyas eyes.

"Kaneki...I'm going to miss you." Suzuya closed his eyes and softly kissed Kanekis cheek, before turning to walk away. He heard Kaneki gasp behind him and turned his head to see the ghoul pressing his hand over where Suzuya had kissed him.

"Why is he doing this?" Kaneki mumbled. "Why am I letting him go?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you're all still enjoying it!
> 
> I thoughts if get this one up now since I made you all wait for the last one for longer than usual. 
> 
> Also! The smut will be coming in possibly for the next chapter, just so you're all warned!


	9. Faked

  
Kaneki forced Suzuya back against the door once they were inside, their lips messily connecting together, the kiss all teeth and tongues. Suzuya pressed himself back against the door, tugging Kaneki by the shirt to pull him flush against his chest. Kanekis hands tangled themselves in the doves hair, pulling roughly at the dark locks which elected a small whine from Suzuya.

"Kaneki..." Suzuya started, but a hand quickly covered his mouth. Kaneki kept his hand over Suzuyas mouth as he started to kiss along the doves jaw, mumbling against the skin.

"Don't. Don't say it." Kaneki begged, knowing what the dove was going to say. "Don't tell me you need to leave." He bit down on the pale skin of Suzuyas neck, sucking on the spot until the skin bruised. He heard a whine break free from the dove, making him grin against the skin. His hand ran down Suzuyas waist, finding themselves sliding under the hem of his shirt and being greeted by warm skin.

Suzuya groaned and tried to push Kaneki away. "I'm meant to be somewhere..." Suzuya mumbled breathlessly, trying to ignore Kanekis lips dancing across the skin on his neck and slowly working down to his collar bone.

"I don't care." Kaneki growled against the doves skin, his nails scratching down Suzuyas chest. "For once, don't leave."

"I have a job, Kaneki. You know I don't have time for..." Suzuya struggled to find the right word.

"Me. You don't have time for me." Kanekis voice came out in a husky tone, as he pulled away just enough to look the dove in the eyes. "Do you ever choose anything over ghoul hunting?" Suzuya frowned as he tried to think of an example, the silence only proving Kanekis point. "Can't you just take a break from being a dove? Just...be you...with me..." Kanekis hands played with the hem of Suzuyas trousers, before fiddling with the button on them.

"You know I can't." Suzuya draped his arms over Kanekis shoulders. "You know how I feel about you, but I'm going to have to kill you one day." Juuzou tilted his head to rest it on his shoulder, smiling lazily.

Kaneki grimaced and forced himself to take his eyes off the dove. "You're heartless." He sneered.

Suzuyas smile grew and he used his arms to pull Kaneki closer to him. "Is that a problem?" He purred, letting his fingers brush over the back of Kanekis neck.

Kaneki stayed silent, fumbling pull Suzuyas suspenders from his shoulders and then worked on unfastening his trousers, the clothes soon slipping to the floor. He took a moment to admire the dove clad in only a shirt and boxers. His fingers trailed up, unbuttoning Suzuyas shirt. "Bed. Now." He growled lowly, pulling away so that the dove could move. Suzuya did as he was told and strutted over to the bed, shrugging his shirt from his shoulders and discarding iron the floor, before he laid down on his side. Kanekis eyes trailed over the doves skin, looking at the few stitches Suzuya had replaced down his body. He felt a sudden nervousness come over him, but tried to act confident. Following Suzuya to the bed, he quickly rid himself of his own clothes, only keeping on his boxer briefs. As he reached the dove, he gently nudged him onto his back, before straddling his hips. "You know we can't go back after this." He warned gently. "You can't pretend like it didn't happen." He brushed his fingers down Suzuyas chest, feeling goosebumps appear.

"I want it. I want you." Suzuya ground his hips up, trying to show Kaneki how much he wanted him. The ghoul ground at the contact, leaning down to kiss Suzuya hungrily. The kiss was messy and passionate, both of them lacking in experience but kissing with pure need and desperation to be closer. Kanekis hands traveled down to Suzuyas boxers, his fingers hooking under them as he lightly tugged. Suzuya suddenly stopped the kiss and placed his hands over Kanekis, stopping the ghouls movements. "No. I-I'm not ready for that yet." He admitted, blushing deeply. He had never been with someone before, he was having a hard enough time figuring out how to kiss properly, never mind going all the way. Kaneki showed no signs of annoyance and retracted his hands, moving them to gently cup Suzuyas cheeks.

"I won't do anything you don't want to do." Kaneki whispered, starting to come back to reality. He had been so lost in his lust, that he had almost thought he was ready to do something he knew he would regret later. It wasn't that he didn't want Suzuya, he did, but he knew they needed to talk before it happened.

"I wan to...but...you have to promise you won't judge me." Suzuya looked up at Kaneki, his expression completely serious. Kaneki nodded, though his mind was still very much focused on how turned on both he and Suzuya were.

"I'd never judge you, Juuzou." He breathed, wriggling himself on Suzuyas lap, electing a small moan from the dove. He grinned proudly and leaned down at kiss the teens cheek. "You're beautiful, Juuzou."

Juuzous blush returned, seeming to be a permanent feature on his face. He moved his hand to gently brush down Kanekis back, sliding them under the ghouls boxer, giving Kaneki the time to object if he wanted to. When no sign of objection came from Kaneki, Suzuya let his hands slide all way way in, cupping the ghouls rear in his hands, squeezing the cheeks as he ground his hips up.

"Fuck, Juuzou." Kaneki cursed under his breath, his own hips finding a rhythm with the dove. The two teen found themselves pressed together, each of them a mess of moans and small grunts. Kaneki felt as Suzuyas legs spread, increasing the friction between them.

Suzuya leaned his head back into the pillow beneath him, soon feeling Kanekis lips pressed against his neck. They were both hot and sweaty, each touch and thrust sending shivers down their spines. It was so new for both of them, but it was something that seemed right.

"J-Juuzou...we're either going to have to stop or I'm going to..." Kanekis panted, pausing his hips for a moment as he waited for Suzuyas reply. The dove pulled at Kanekis hips, encouraging him to continue so he complied.

It only took a few more minutes until Kanekis body tensed, before he moaned aloud, shooting his load into his boxer. The sound of Kanekis orgasm quickly sent Suzuya over the edge as the warm feeling built up in his stomach. His cheeks flushed deeply, noticing his orgasm was different to the ghouls and he hoped Kaneki hadn't realised. The two lay breathless together, Kaneki letting out a small whine in complaint of his wet boxer briefs.

"I can feel it drying." He mumbled, breaking the silence they had found themselves in, Kaneki resting his head in the crook of Suzuyas neck.

"Then take them off." Suzuya replied boldly, Kaneki sitting up a little to raise and eyebrow at the dove.

"You're alright with that?" He asked, already starting to peel his boxers off.

"I wouldn't have said it if I wasn't." Suzuya sang softly, watching with interest as Kanekis boxers soon came off. He bit his bottom lip as he took in the sight of Kankis body, finding that there was something strangely exciting about seeing the ghoul completely naked. Part of him wanted to touch every part of Kaneki and the other part wanted to hold him.

"Are you're boxers okay?" Kaneki asked, his eye flicking down to look at Suzuyas still very much clean boxers. The dove nodded and reached his arms out to Kaneki, getting him to lay back down.

"They're okay." He confirmed.

* * *

Kaneki lay on Suzuyas bare chest, listening to the doves heart pounding. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes, finding that Suzuyas breathing and being this close to him relaxed him. 'I wish I could spend forever doing this with him.' He thought, but soon remember Suzuyas reluctance to commit to anything other than his job. 'What am I to him?' He moved to rest his chin on the doves chest, looking up at him. The teen had his eyes closed, a blissful look upon his face and his hair messy and tangled. The sight made Kanekis heart beat a little faster. 'I can't let myself feel like this.' He clenched his fists and sighed. "I wish you could just understand what this means to me." He mumbled softly, laying his head back down and closing his eyes.

* * *

Suzuya sat on the bed with his legs crossed, a sleeping Kaneki laying beside him. He couldn't sleep, normally having Kaneki beside him would help him, but even after hours of trying he just couldn't. He was looking out of the window, watching the street below as people passed by every now and then. 'I wonder why people are out this late.' He thought to himself, before a couple caught his attention. The couple were holding hands, gently swinging their arms between them, before they stopped under the street lamp to share a sweet yet brief kiss and continued on their way, both of them smiling contently. Suzuya tilted his head a little and looked down at Kaneki. The way the couple looked at each other, he had seen that look before, it was the same way Kaneki always looked at him. "Kaneki?" He whispered, the ghoul shifting in his sleep, but not waking. Suzuya softly sighed and let out a small yawn, the breeze coming in from the window causing him to shudder. He leaned up and pulled the window to close, as he shut the window he felt a hand on his thigh. Looking down, he saw Kanekis eyes looking back at him and then the couple he saw came back in to his mind. It was strange, he had always seen people in love, he knew what love looked like, but it was never something he wanted. The only thing was now he wanted someone to look at him the way the couple had, the way he always saw Shinohara look at his wife. He laid down again, his back against Kanekis chest, the ghouls arms coming to wrap around his waits to hold him close. The two of the soon fell sound asleep.

* * *

"You're really going to ask him?" Hinami asked excitedly, practically standing on the tips of her toes. Suzuya nodded, smiling nervously. His sleepless night had allowed him to think and to clear his head. He knew what he wanted and what he wanted was Kaneki.

"I've never cared about someone like I care about him...he confuses me sometimes, but I don't want to be without him." Suzuya said determinedly as Hinami took his hand. The two of them had been out to the shops on their lunch break, where Suzuya discussed his feelings for Kaneki over hot hot chocolate with Hinami. It helped talking to her, for some reason children always saw things more clearly than adults. She had convinced him to write down his feelings, seeing as he couldn't put it in to words.

"He's going to say yes, you know. Onii-chan liked you the first time he saw you. Once he reads that letter, he'll understand everything." Hinami giggled, glancing at the note Suzuya was holding on to.

Suzuya and Hinami came to stand behind Kanski, waiting for him to turn around, Suzuya blushing nervously as his heart pounded. 'How does he make me feel like this?'

"He's like a child." Kaneki sighed, immediately catching the doves attention. "He won't talk about his feelings...it's like one minute he wants nothing to do with me and the next he's all over me. Last night...he looked like he had something figured out, but then this morning he acted like we were just friends again." He rested his hands down on the counter.

"Have you actually told him how you feel? Maybe you should be honest with him." Nishio explained, trying to not look like he was enjoying Kanekis suffering. His eyes flickered to Hinami and Suzuya, watching the doves nervous expression turn to hurt. "Don't write him off before you've given him a chance. It takes people a little while to realise what they want."

"How I feel? I feel like going back in time and never helping him. I want to be with someone who can actually feel something for me. I don't want to be with someone like him. Im wasting my time." Kaneki shrugged, before looking at Nishio. "He...he faked it." Kaneki admitted, the older ghoul raising a questioning eyebrow.

"He faked it? What are you talking about?" He asked, trying to subtly shoo always Juuzou and Hinami, but the two stayed.

"We...we did stuff, last night and he faked his...you know..." Kaneki tried to word his sentence, feeling his cheek heating up.

"Are you trying to tell me that you came and he didn't?" Nishio almost laughed. "Your first time with a guy and he faked it? You really couldn't get him to..." Nishio snickered.

"It's not funny, Nishio." Kaneki groaned. "It's embarrassing. I was so in to it and he...wasn't. I don't think he even wants to be with me like that."  
Suzuyas shoulders fell as he let out a small sniff and he immediately let go of Hinamis hand, heading to the door.

"Juuzou-Chan!" She called after him, Kanekis head turning fast too see what was happening. "Wait!" She went to go after him, but the door slammed shut before she could move.

"What? Hinami? How long have you two been here for?" Kaneki asked in surprise, his eyes flicking to the door, trying to imagine what Suzuya was thinking right now.

"He heard everything." She admitted softly.

* * *

  
Suzuya walked as fast as his feet could carrying him, covering his eyes with his arm, whilst his free hand clenching on to the piece of paper he had been holding. He felt like an idiot, having finally been able to admit how he felt just as Kaneki decided he wasn't worth feeling anything for. He started to run until he found himself down by a river bank, sitting with his legs dangling in the water, having already kicked his slippers off. "I'm an idiot, Rei." He unfolded the piece of paper and read over his words, soon feeling sick in stomach. He leaned down and placed the letter in the water, watching the ink bleed as it slowly floated away. "He'd have thrown it away too." He brought one legs to his chest, resting his chin on the knee. "He thinks I'm a freak."

Juuzou took his phone from his pocket as it rang. "Hello?"

"Juuzou, I need you to come in. We have a few tests we need to do." Shinoharas voice came from down the phone.

"Tests?" Juuzou asked, imagining being placed on a table and opened up. "What kind of tests?"

"Just come down to the office, please. Its behavioural tests, we need to see how well you can control your kagune, especially if we're going to trust you to work with us." There was a voice on the background and the. Shinohara hung up.

"Tests...I wonder what they'll do to me." He wriggled his toes in the water and put his phone away in his pocket, watching his reflection as someone came to stand by him. The person in the reflection was tall and charming, with bright purple hair.

"Bonjour Monsieur. Why do you look so sad?" Came a voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello~
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'm sorry this took a little longer than usual.
> 
> I hope you enjoy and as always thank you for all the lovely feedback!
> 
> (Also, I was wondering. Who else do you guys ship Suzuya with?)


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